By Jelena Fassbender, Serbia
This year in August, it‘ll be ten years since Mohanji appeared in my life and took me under his divine wings of protection.
Although I shared my story of how I met Mohanji on many different occasions, I would like to put it on paper form as well, as a possible inspiration for others to share their experiences too and as a reminder to myself to sit and write more! Therefore, I sincerely thank Monika Dizdarevic, who inspired me to make this step.
It all started in Berlin in 2013 when my marriage hit bottom. At that time, I was an unhappy married woman who left her homeland Serbia, friends and family and a decade of numerous attempts to pursue a career as an actress, with deep wounds and suppressed pain caused by unfulfilled dreams, broken relationships and poverty.
I met my husband in the summer of 2011 in Berlin. It was love at first sight, and soon after we met, we decided to get married. After seven months of knowing each other, I became Frau Fassbender, ready to start a fresh new life in one of the most welcoming cities in the world.
In the beginning, it all seemed well between us. We were different, our cultures and habits too, but I believed I would be able to accept them, digest them and learn to live with them.
Then reality hit. My long-term depression, fears, painful memories, everything came crashing down on me. I was in a foreign land; I didn’t know the language, I didn’t have friends and contacts, I was jobless, and I was unhappy with my marriage!
My husband loved me but was limited within his capacity, and he could not fully understand my depths and accept me. Little did I know that acceptance from his side wasn’t possible because I was the one who was sabotaging myself. I was the one who was torturing, judging and rejecting myself, unaware of the fact that he was only the reflection of my inner state. I had expectations. I was angry and scared; I was lost. The idea of reinventing myself was creating even more resistance in me. The pattern of victimhood in its peak!
By this time, our marriage became an agony for both. We constantly fought about everything.
One morning, I was alone at home, sitting in the kitchen, with the laptop in front of me, without any solution for my problem. Nothing seemed possible. Divorce was out of the question; I was not ready to accept that my marriage wasn’t going to last, but I couldn’t continue living in such misery either. Why this life? What’s the point of me being alive? I disappointed my family and friends; I was a complete failure, and so many other heavy thoughts ran through my head. Suddenly, I felt that the walls of my kitchen were coming towards me, and it was like the space around me was getting smaller and smaller. I’m going to suffocate; that’s it. The end is near.
I felt a heavy and sharp pain in my chest, but I managed to take as much breath as possible and said loudly: “GOD, PLEASE, HELP ME!”
Then I looked at my laptop and saw a notification on my Facebook. Its title was “How To Heal Your Life”. The video was about the book written by Louise Hay. I watched the video and immediately downloaded the book, and read it that same day. In the book, dear Louise says that the first step on a healing journey is to stop at least one bad habit immediately.
That day LIFE gave me a chance, and I didn’t want to blow it away. I decided to quit 17 years of a heavy smoking habit. If that will bring me out of “living on the earth” hell, I am ready to do whatever is necessary. I was determined.
I couldn’t believe how easy it was for me – like I’ve never smoked. Then I thought coffee doesn’t have the same taste without cigarettes and alcohol as well, so I quit them too. Soon after that, It was the same with meat. At that time, I also had big issues with some strange sort of pimples on my face and by removing all these habits, my face began to look better.
In a recent conversation with Mohanji, I mentioned that many of our people had/have skin issues, including himself. He said to be in the presence of the Master, one has to raise the frequency, and for many, the skin is the way to cleanse negativity; it’s a part of a cleansing process.
Soon after I read Hay’s book, I recognized an enormous hunger to understand the real cause of my suffering and the suffering in general. I thought, whatever is happening, my husband and I deserve better lives, even if we divorce.
I became eager to learn more about who, how, when, and what I truly am. That’s how I got in touch with many important spiritual books. One led to another, and two of them seriously helped me. The first one is the one and only Autobiography of a Yogi, by Paramahansa Yogananda. The second one is A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle.
Therefore, I am and will be forever thankful for books and their authors that opened many doors and put me in a better place within myself, but that was obviously not enough.
After three months of literal isolation from everybody and of constant reading and accumulation of knowledge, on one particular day, I suddenly felt very upset, like an animal before an upcoming earthquake. I was walking nervously from one room to another, not knowing what could possibly calm me down, and no book seemed comforting enough at that moment. I needed tangible proof that I was on the right track and not going insane.
I decided to check FB, and guess what? The first that popped up on the feed was an article with the title “Mohanji, The Guru Who Finds You”. The title immediately caught my attention. That name Mohanji was somehow familiar to me. Then I remembered I heard about an Indian Guru, Mohanji, from Milan Bojic, a friend who opened the spiritual world door for me long ago when I still lived in Serbia. Still, I couldn’t remember anything more than that.
While reading the article, one sentence resonated with me very deeply: “Mohanji says: “The Guru is not a form or a person. Guru is a principle. It could take a human form and talk or come as a message from nature.” ….. or pop up on Facebook!
After I read the article, I went onto Mohanji’s website, and there I found guided meditation called Power of Purity. To my big surprise, this meditation was translated into many languages, including Serbian too. I decided to give it a try.
It was a quiet summer afternoon. I was alone at home and was more than ready to experience the meditation, mainly because I’d never meditated before. Power of Purity was my first meditation ever. I sat down on the bed, put the sound on and started to follow the instructions of the soothing voice of Devi Mohan. The atmosphere was solemn.
The heat overwhelmed my whole body. At first, I felt scared of the unknown feeling, but I decided to continue, no matter what. Then something happened which was beyond my wildest imagination. The moment I put the right hand in the blessing position, I felt a strong spiral vibration coming right out of my palm. I could clearly see how it reached my parents, my brother, and my friends and blessed them with white light. I was in shock and started to cry uncontrollably and continued to cry even when the meditation was over. I couldn’t move out of bed for more than an hour. I was heavy but light, strangely sad but unexplainably happy. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of love, a new kind of love, which was unknown to me until then.
Then I managed to get to the balcony and get some fresh air. To my surprise, all outside objects were very sparkly, and I couldn’t hear the noise from the streets. There was silence everywhere. I was in awe.
Then I felt a need to calm down. I went to the living room and intuitively picked the biggest book from the bookshelf, with the most beautiful architecture in the world and started to turn pages with maximum concentration on the content. By evening, I finally managed to calm down and fall asleep.
The next day, I wrote to Milan Bojic, hoping he would have an answer to what actually happened to me. Milan was visibly excited about my story. He said: ”Well, your Guru has appeared. There is nothing more important and sacred in life than to meet your Guru. You have ridden the wave, Lela! Don’t get off it, ever!”
So it was—the life before the Guru and the life with a Guru.
My rebirth happened that afternoon in August 2013.
Mohanji introduced himself in the most unusual and unconventional way. His way!
Since then, everything in my life has changed. EVERYTHING! Heavy baggage of lifetimes, full of expectations, anger, fears, unfulfilled desires and many other emotions, became so light.
At the first retreat, in a one-on-one session with Mohanji, he told me: “We have a lot to do together for this world, you’ll see.” Back then, I didn’t understand what he was talking about. Is he going to direct a movie or produce a movie? OMG…how limited our minds can be!!!
Now, after 10 years with Mohanji, I understand what he was talking about. His deeds speak for themselves! Mohanji is a platform. He created it for all of us. It’s on us to use it well and contribute with our talents to make this world better. Since I met Mohanji, I have lived a life of abundance. I have friends all over the world. I have a home and a family. I have clarity, mission and purpose!
Yes, people, that’s life in the presence of a living Master. One has to be, to live, to experience all those blessings, to be able to try to understand the love that the Guru has for each one of us. The unconditional love that he showers on us, regardless of how many times we fall.
What does he need from us? Nothing. He is presence, a mountain, the brightest sun that is always shining and is always available. It’s up to us whether we want to be plugged in.
Through all these years, I’ve learned that consistency, conviction and connection to the Guru (in my case – Mohanji) are the most important for grace to flow. Life is difficult without grace, and we all know how painful it can be. With the Guru’s grace, life is like a big pillow. Even when we think we got some bruises, they vanish within the shortest period, taking us one step closer to the final destination, total DISSOLUTION.
Mohanji’s grace, please, be with me always to make my human birth purposeful.
|| JAI BRAHMARISHI MOHANJI ||
Edited & Published by – Testimonials Team, 9th February 2023
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