Thirst for love

By Vikas Musale, India

My pranaams to the reader; thank you, and I am blessed to receive an opportunity to be a part of Shri Mohanji’s group.

I was recently fortunate to meet Devi Amma (a spiritual Master from South India) and receive her blessings. When I prayed to her that I wanted to walk the path of spirituality and serve mankind, she asked me to go to Shri Mohanji. Coincidentally, the 21-day program was initiated, and that is how I became a part of Mohanji’s group. Before I share my experiences with the beloved Masters and Acharyas during my sessions, I want to share a little about myself. My apologies for the length, but I just wanted to pour out my feelings and gratitude.

Since 2001, soon after my PGDBM from Sri Sringeri Sharada Institute of Management, New Delhi, I worked for different branded IT multinational companies. Today, I am counted as one among the so-called leadership teams in the corporate. I never allowed the designation and power to mix with my humble service to the people who report to me across the globe. I have always adopted a situational leadership style and blended it with my technology learning. I receive feedback from people worldwide that I am seen as a friend, mentor, guide, to even a tough taskmaster. I have never compromised on values and always uphold righteous acts for the self and others. Possibly, because of my sincerity and righteous approach/actions, I have become an individual whom people would love to hate either at peer level or the hierarchy above me.

Due to the pandemic, there is a sense of job insecurity and uneasiness, nor do I know what is in store for me tomorrow. Probably as a divine assurance, I was handed a book to read, “Autobiography of an Avadhoota – Avadhoota Nadananda” by one of my well-wishers. Tears rolled down from my eyes while I was going through it. I was overwhelmed to learn how he surrendered himself to his Guru Mata Tara and the way the respected Avadhoota was taken care of. I was unsure why, but a similar feeling was aroused in me, and I just surrendered myself to the Guru Mandala and prayed – ‘I want to do the right thing to the people around me, be it on my professional or personal level. Whatever happens to my dependent family, which looks up to me as a bread earner, and me, I leave it with you.’ A definite ray of hope is still to be seen while I am walking this corporate life with trust and faith in the Guru Mandala.

My personal life, like many others, has gone through many ups and downs. I lost my father some time ago. While I was making him comfortable on my lap during his last moments, he left for his heavenly abode. He took his last breath on my lap. There I was totally lost in pin-drop silence as to what to do next? That night will remain as a memory forever in me. The person whom I looked up to all my life was no longer with me. It was a difficult moment to digest. For close to 32 years, he’s never hugged me, not that it should not have crossed his mind, but perhaps his up-bringing and his 30+ professional life was such that hugging someone was perhaps a sign of weakness. I felt that any moment, he would wake up from his sleep and give me a nice warm and tight hug. This was the only thing I was craving since my childhood. I was waiting for him to wake up to complete what he owes me, but of course in vain.

While recovering from this loss, another blow struck me, and this time it was my elder brother. He had undergone many hardships, and, eventually, it all stopped. He had a massive cardiac arrest. My family and I are still recovering from all of this. My situation is such that I am not permitted to display my tears/pains, my dependents look up to me, and I am bothered by the impact if I discount an ounce of my courageous face I show to them daily. That is a roller coaster I am going through now.

Now about the 21-day program and working with beloved Masters and Acharyas, it has been a phenomenal journey so far. I am still learning a lot from them. The way they have initiated the course, the discipline on food habits and daily routine, the way they are walking with each one of us sadhakas is really impressive. Organizing such an event worldwide is no child’s game, tremendous coordination, support, discussions, material preparation and being available as per agreed time is not only tiring but a mammoth task. We sadhakas sitting on the other side of the desk, receive such huge efforts seamlessly, we feel the ease of receiving guidance and working on the activities on time daily.

I bow to all the Masters and the Acharyas and express my supreme pranaams and gratitude for bestowing such grace on all of us. Unsure what good deed I must have done in the past to be part of and receive such love and grace. I empathize with the whole group as I run a global team too and I can relate to the pains, pressure and pleasure the team would be put through to conduct this event at such a massive scale, and I humbly pray the event to reach success beyond imagination with Shri Mohanji’s grace.

The way daily activities are arranged is also impressive; a combination of practicals and theory. Practicals relate to sharpening and refining our physical bodies by performing yoga under the guidance of trained yogis to prepare our body to receive positive energy and health. The mind/brain is invoked to receive grace and what is right in the form of following Guru’s acts in MAST reading, and guided meditation sessions lead by the blessed Acharyas. Every meditation session is unique, and it is a feeling or a taste that can only be experienced. Despite the hardships I shared above, I still find myself in mental peace, harmony, composure, and calm. I see the mist ahead of me, and I need to work towards the intended destination.

A deep desire has surfaced in me after learning about Shri Mohanji from the recent sessions. I pray humbly for forgiveness if I am asking for more things. I feel a sense of emptiness in me, and I yearn to quench the thirst of the love and care I always craved for from my beloved, biological father. There is a sense of being lost in the dark and not knowing where to go, running from pillar to post to overcome the sense of incompleteness within me. There are questions – what should I do next? Why are things happening to me the way they are happening around me? What should I do to overcome and get away from their clutches?

If permitted by Father Mohanji, I would like to receive the same or a better warm and tight hug from him, where I want to weep like a child in his arms, forget myself, dissolve myself in him and be with him until no one else and nothing is left in me. Start afresh as his child and walk the path wherever he directs. I sincerely beg for forgiveness if I have unknowingly asked for anything beyond which I should not have asked for, and pray to ignore the silly child in me.

|| JAI BRAHMARISHI MOHANJI||

Edited & Published by – Testimonials Team, 11^th February 2021

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