Signs That You Are With Me

Written by Keshnie Shannon Pillay

Dear Guruji

Today I asked you a question in a moment of weakness, maybe even jealousy. I asked you why I don’t get signs that you are with me? So many get clear cut signs and tangible experiences. Why don’t I get these? Like an obstinate child I demanded an answer, however I was not ready to accept it.

Seconds later there was the loudest clap of thunder I had ever heard (a sign presumably). Since I was determined to be upset about this I missed that clear cut sign completely. What followed was a thunderstorm. Again I was consumed with emotions so I paid no heed.

Then came the sign I had been waiting for. As I prepared to listen to some music an unexpected video popped up. A video of a discourse given at Sri Satya Sai baba’s ashram in Whitefield. The story was that of Krishna Dasa.

Many years ago there was a priest in a temple in India. This temple was very special because the priest was blessed with the ability to interact directly with Lord Krishna every day. He would relate all the joys and the sorrows of all the devotees to Lord Krishna. Naturally this temple was very busy as every devotee wanted the priest to speak to Lord Krishna and ask him to fulfil their wishes.

Also in this temple was a boy named Krishnadasa. Everyday from dawn till dusk Krishnadasa would sit in the temple and cry. He held a deep desire which nobody could fathom what it was. After a year of witnessing him cry everyday the priest eventually got upset.

He went to Lord Krishna and said “Lord this is so unfair. Krishnadasa has been crying and pining for something for a year now. Why don’t you answer him?”

Lord Krishna replied “Why don’t you ask him what is it that he desires?”.

“I can’t do that Lord, it won’t be fair. If I go back and ask him then he will think you are partial to me. He will think you listen to me but don’t listen to him.” retorted the priest.

Then Krishna replied “Okay, why don’t you ask him whether he wants me to reply to him?”

The priest was still apprehensive but he posed this question to Krishnadasa. He asked “Krishnadasa, lord Krishna would like to know if you want him to fulfill what your heart desires?”

Krishnadasa replies “I certainly have a deep desire but whether it should be fulfilled or not is Lord Krishna’s wish.”

The priest is puzzled and he says “No tell me, don’t you want your desires fulfilled?”

Krishnadasa repeats “It is Krishna’s wish.”

The priest being confused goes back to Lord Krishna and say “Lord what is going on here? You asked me to ask him if he wants his desires fulfilled. He is saying it is up to you. What are we to do?”

Lord Krishna laughed and danced with joy and mirth. The priest was again confused as he had never seen The Lord this joyful. Then Krishna exclaimed “I knew my Krishnadasa would say this. You see my dear priest you and all the devotees come to me because you have complete faith in me. You know that even in the darkest hour I will never let you down. Even if the world turns it’s back on you and no matter what wrong you do, I will always be there for you. Well, my dear priest even I need someone like that. No matter what I do to Krishnadasa he will always be there for me. Whatever I do to him, he will always respond to me when I speak to him. I have complete faith in him. He will not let me go. If you tear your heart open you will find me there but if you tear my heart open you will find Krishnadasa.”

This true oneness is what we all should strive towards. So from today I would like to say “It’s up to you Guruji”. I don’t usually post my experiences but this I definitely had to share. After this I shall never ask that question again. What I have learnt is that when you ask, make sure you are prepared to see. Don’t ask with the intention of being blind.

Love you Guruji. Thank you again for this wonderful experience that has silenced my ego forever.