With the blessings from Mohanji, I would like to narrate my experience that I had yesterday both with Mohanji and Vittal Babaji…
As it was planned to meet Mohanji on Friday evening (22nd Nov), I was awaiting for Shashank’s confirmation on the schedule as soon as I reached Hyderabad. But I got the message from Shashank saying that they would be late to Hyderabad as Mohanji wanted to spend some time in Kuruvapuram.
As I was eager to meet Mohanji, I was disappointed a little bit but thinking that I could spend all the time with Him the next day, I was happy.
On Saturday morning (23rd Nov), I got a message from Shashank saying that they would be planning to go to NIMS to spend an hour there. I was thinking that Mohanji might be visiting the Hospital to meet some patients and distribute fruit.
Then I thought to meet Mohanji in NIMS instead of going to the hotel where they stayed in. It was raining heavily and I decided to meet him at any cost. I was wearing a white kurta and pyjamas and took only two pomegranates for Mohanji.
I reached NIMS at 9am and enquired at the reception. I asked the receptionist, “A swamy has come from Delhi. Could I know where he is?” They guided me to MRPR wing in the hosptial. Actually MRPR Wing is meant for VIPs. So I was not sure whether I was guided correctly. Then I asked the security guys at the gate. Seeing me in white dress, they might have thought that I belong to Mohanji as He was also in white dress (in fact, Mohanji only said this), they showed me the way to the rooms. I went inside and was searching in which room, He would be in. I asked another security guy, “A swamy has come from Delhi. Where can I get Him?”. He asked, “One swamy in saffron dress?” Hesitatingly I said, “Yes” wondering if Mohanji might be in Saffron attire. The security guard knocked there and somebody opened the door.Without peeping inside, I asked, “Is Mohanji there?” He said, “Yes”.
To my surprise, Mohanji was talking to a patient (Swamy) who was in Saffron attire. When I went inside, I gestured Namaskar to Mohanji and another Swamy. Then I came to know he was “Vittal Babaji”.
Then I gave the pomegranates to Mohanji and He blessed them. Then I asked Mohanji to give them to Vittal Babaji. I got to know that five minutes before this, Mohanji had been telling Rajeshji that it would have been better if they would have brought fruits for Vittal Babaji. Then I felt both my and Mohanji’s wishes were fulfilled.
Mohanji gave a book “Power of Purity” to Vittal Babaji who talked to everyone with patience and narrated so many stories about Sripaada Sri Vallabha swamy and Swamy Samartha Ramadas.Vittal Babaji has given tasks to Mohanji to publish the books on Sripaada Srivallabha swamy and Akkalkota swamy.
In between he asked about Mila and Bibaji. Since I know Telugu I explained what happened on that day when Mila had fallen from height and the hospitalization details. He blessed Mila and Bibaji.
There I met Shashank, Rajesh Singh, Nandita and Dhritiman. I didn’t get much time to talk to Shashank and Dhritiman as both left for the airport for their flight at 1 PM.
Mohanji, Rajeshji, Nanditaji and myself arrived back in the hotel. We had a blessed time with Mohanji. Mohanji told me that I am also from Datta Tradition. Then I remembered somebody had told me earlier I belonged to Sripaada Sri Vallabha swamy in my earlier birth.
At that time, Mr. Srinivas W. and his wife came to meet Mohanji. They took His blessings.
Then Mohanji asked Rajeshji to share his divine experience in Srisailam. He narrated his profound experience that he had in Srisailam. As all of them were about to go to have Goddess Bhramarambha Darshan. As they were about to start, there they saw a beggar. Mohanji asked Rajeshji to give some money to the lady beggar. Rajeshji gave some money to her and folded his hands showing the reverence. As he was about to turn back to enter the car, the lady beggar was giving him a rupee coin. As he was hesitating to take the coin, Mohanji gestured towards him to take the coin. He took that coin and then when he was about to turn back again, she gave him another rupee coin. I felt as if he was blessed having taken that coin too. Then they all went and had the darshan of Bhramaramba Devi darshan. To his surprise, he saw the same face of the beggar in Bhramaramba Devi. He was shocked and tapped at Mohanji’s back about his feelings. Mohanji smiled at him. This was a miraculous experience. As Rajeshji was explaining this experience, I saw the aura changed around his head. Even while I am writing this experience, I have goosebumps all over my body. Mohanji said that Goddess blessed him the two coins – one is for the inner peace and the other one for the external peace. What a wonderful and unfathomed experience.
Then on remembering Sathya Sai’s birthday, I sang a few bhajans, which Mohanji liked very much. Mohanji also told us that He used to sing one of those bhajans in Shirdi Sai temple. That bhajan goes like this… ,“Maanasa bhajare guru charanam, dusthara bhavasaagara tharanam…”, which Sathya Sai himself used to sing. The meaning of the song is “O Mind, without worshipping the Lotus Feet of Guru Sai Natha it is not possible to cross the ocean of life and death. Victory to the Noble Teacher, Lord Sai Natha. Chant ‘Om Namah Shivaya’. Chant the name of Lord Shiva, who resides in Arunachala (the sacred mountain in Southern India associated with Lord Shiva). Chant the name of Lord Baba, whose form is Om”.
Mohanji asked all of us to go for lunch. We were about to go for lunch.
Then Mohanji asked Srinivasji about the translation of the Power of Purity meditation into Telugu. He said that it had been done. Then Mohanji told us that we had to translate all of his books and meditations into Telugu language. Srinivasji mentioned about a lady professor who could help us transalate them into Telugu. At the same time, Mohanji reminded us of the lunch time. We all followed Mohanji to the dining session. To the surprise of us all, we met there the lady professor whom Srinivasji had mentioned about a few minutes before. See her divine luck… She met Mohanji and got the blessings from Parabrahma.
After lunch, we moved to the room. There, one more family came to take Mohanji’s blessings. After that we gave Aarti to Mohanji. While giving Aarti, one more person came to meet Him. Mohanji calls him Venkatgaru and said humourously that Venkatgaru was teaching Him Telugu language.
As it was the time to leave for the airport, Rajeshji and myself accompanied Mohanji and Nanditaji to the airport. There we gave a sendoff to Mohanji and Nanditaji.
In total, my heart is completely filled up with unconditional love towards Mohanji. I felt very blessed to be with Him all day. A divine day of blessings…
We often ignore or take the eligibility of visiting these extremely sacred places lightly or for granted. However it is the most important part of the yatra (pilgrimage) – the permission from Para Brahma to undertake the yatra and stand in HIS presence. We fail to understand that the mere permission given is an acknowledgment by HIM of HIS loving Grace on the person.
A group of five people had the privilege to visit the holy places of Srisailam and Kurvapur along with Mohanji. It was not less than a journey of a lifetime. Full of experiences and miracles, it was extremely humbling for the devotees accompanying. It was a homecoming from them.
The journey started from Hyderabad. In 6 hours we reached the outskirts of Srisailam. And the miracles started! Nandita Singh explains, “Before visiting the Mallika Arjuna temple at Srisailam, one needs to visit the Sakshi Ganesha temple which is at the outskirts of the town. We stopped there to take the permission and blessings of Lord Ganesha before proceeding further. When we reached the Sakshi Ganesha temple, it was already quite dark. We went in after buying some flowers and offerings. Mohanji asked us to sacrifice a coconut at the stone outside the temple for the benefit of the world. After the darshan we were moving out of the temple, Mohanji asked me to give some money to an old man sitting at some distance. He was sitting with his back to the deity! It is usually considered as irreverence to sit with one’s back towards the deity of the temple. I gave some money to the old man. As I turned back, Mohanji asked me, “What did HE say to you? I replied, “Aum Namah Shivaya”. I was curious and asked Mohanji who that person was. Mohanji replied, “Lord Shiva himself”! We all were stunned at the reply. He added, “Who else can sit with his back to the deity of the temple!”. Then he asked me how HIS eyes were. I replied that his eyes were “glassy” and powerful! “That’s it!” Mohanji replied.
When we reached Srisailam, we checked into a guest house which was very near to Mallika Arjuna temple. We could hear the chants of the evening aarti. The caretaker’s name was also Mallika Arjuna Reddy! He was a noble soul and was extremely helpful. He explained everything about the abhishek pooja that we had to perform the next morning. He made all the arrangements for the pooja and then took us out for dinner. We enjoyed authentic Andhra spicy food.
When we returned to retire for the day, suddenly Mohanji moved to the dining room and started eating custard apples which we had bought on the way to Srisailam. He asked us to join him. He said that if we won’t eat them, the ants will! This seemed like a passing statement but Mohanji never says anything without a reason. The next morning, when we came back to the guest house after visiting the temple, the path that led to the table was full of ants!
Shashank Jaitely narrates his experience. “We were supposed to get up 5 am as we had to reach Mallika Arjuna Temple at 6 am. I was sharing the room with Mohanji so I wanted to get ready before Mohanji got up. I woke up early and when opened my bag to take my white clothes out, I got a shock because the hair shampoo that I was carrying had leaked and had spoilt all my clothes! The only way I could wear them was to wash and dry them quickly. I did wash but as the time was short, in no way they would have dried up in time. Soon Mohanji got up and I started attending to him, praying for a miracle. As if Mohanji heard me. He asked me to check with the caretaker what we were supposed to wear for the temple. The caretaker confirmed that traditionally men don’t wear anything on top while inside the temple complex! So that was half my problem solved! When I informed this to Mohanji, he turned towards his bag and took out one of his dhoti and said to me, “Wear this now and for the rest of the trip, dress up like me”. I was stunned. In one simple swift gesture, Mohanji solved my dilemma of managing the wet and stained clothes!” Remember, I had never discussed my problem with him at all. Thus, I wore Mohanji’s dhoti and eventually got used to it and ended up buying a few more of that kind. 🙂
The visit to Srisailam was surreal. To worship Bharambara Devi in front of thousands of year old Sri Chakras and then to worship Shiva with Shiva was an experience which is beyond the purview of words. Being able to touch and do abhishek of the Shiva linga which has been worshiped by almost all the Avatars and Great Masters including Lord Rama, Lord Krishna, Pandavas, Great Saints like the Datta Avatars etc, was indeed a memory to cherish for a lifetime. We also saw the Shiv Linga installed by Sri Rama which has 1000 shiv lings embedded in it as well as the Shiv Linga worshipped by Ma Sita.
After finishing the pooja we went out and sat in our car to go back. Rajesh Singh adds, “Barely had we travelled a distance of about 50m that Mohanji asked the driver to stop. He then asked me to go out and give some money to a lady sitting by the side of the road. I said, “Mohanji, I have just run out of all the change that I had.” He replied, “Please give her whatever you have.” I got off the car and took some money from my wallet and offered it to the lady sitting on the floor. As I got up to leave I saw that she had risen as well and was taking out a coin. I heard Mohanji’s voice from behind, “take it”. I accepted the coin with gratification. Then as I turned to return, I saw that she was taking out another coin. I accepted both the coins, thanked her did pranam with folded hands and returned to the car. As I sat in the car, I asked Mohanji, “Who was she”? Mohanji replied, “She was Devi (Goddess) – Herself”. Mohanji continued saying, “One coin is for inner richness and the other coin is for external richness”. The two pillars that balances a human existence. I was thrilled with the thought of having been blessed by Devi herself. I thanked Mohanji in my heart.”
We then completed our breakfast. As we came out we saw that seven saints dressed in saffron color were standing on the side of the road. Mohanji asked us to offer food to the saints. Later Mohanji told us that they were Saptrishies. Mohanji ensured that all of them were given the food of their choice and asked them if we have their permission to go. We also gave them some money as dakshina (offering of money as gratitude to a saint or God)They blessed us and we left.
Rajesh Singh further adds, “After completing our purchases when I returned to the car. Mohanji was sitting in the front seat. I saw that Mohanji was talking to a saint dressed in saffron and whose hair was neatly tied at the back with a cloth, in the same way that Shirdi Sai Baba tied it. Mohanji asked me to give him money for food. This saint was talking fluent english. He told Mohanji that he is here since last 12 years and once one comes to the soul of Sri Sailam, cannot leave this place. Sri Sailam has great importance in Hindu culture. I offered him some money and we left for Kurvapur”. On the way we stopped at Sakshi Ganesha temple again and thanked him for finding us worthy and allowing us to have such an amazing experience.
We continued our journey and stopped over at Phaladhara-Panchadhara. These holy streams Phaladhara-Panchadhara signify their origin from the forehead (phaladhara) and the five aspects (panchdhara) of God Shiva. This was the place where Adi Shankracharya did penance and composed Shivanandalahari and Sowndaryalahari. Behind the stream, there was a cave where Adi Shankracharya meditated.
In the evening, we reached the ashram of Sri Sri Sri Vittalananda Saraswathi Maharaj at Kurvapur. It was like homecoming. The place had amazing temples. We visited the temple which had the portion of the stone where Shripad Shri Vallabh used to worship. There was a trishul (trident) that belonged to Sripada Srivallabha. The story goes that the trishul was given to Vittal Babaji by a very young boy. The boy told Babaji this trishul belongs to Sripada Srivallabha and he found it in the river. It’s a half broken trishul. After handing over the Trishul to Vittal Baba the boy left. Nobody saw that boy again. In the complex we did parikrama of the Audumber Tree. The audumber tree is Lord Dattatreya himself. Our tradition teaches compassion and love for all, be it human beings, animals or trees. Mohanji went in deep communion with the Audumbe tree at the temple.
Then a miracle happened. Rajesh Singh narrates it in his own words, “After doing parikrama of the audumber tree, we went up to the temple of Devi – Anagha Lakshmi. Mohanji was up ahead offering his pranam to the Devi. As he moved back, I could see the full face of the Devi. I tapped Mohanji on his left upper arm and told him, “Mohanji, the lady that I offered money to in the morning was identical to this lady. Their faces were identical – exactly the same. I was shell shocked at the resemblance between the two. I went up ahead to the altar and offered my humble pranams to Mata Anagha Lakshmi. My soul was stirred as I prostrated at the Devi’s feet. Shashank then came up to me to show some pictures that he had clicked. The first picture I was standing in front of the altar. In the next photograph there was a hazy outline of mine standing next to Mohanji and in the very next photograph I was back again in front of the picture and Mohanji a few steps behind me. I later understood that the second photograph captured the moment that my causal body was getting separated from Mohanji’s after the merger. Mohanji later explained that he had entered me to give me experiences or the eyes to see the truth so that I could recognize the connection between the incident in the morning and this idol. It was a proof of what Mohanji told us in the morning and the relevance of giving dakshina to Goddess and her confirmation of acceptance as well as her blessing. Then the impact of the event sank into me and I felt completely blessed by what I had witnessed”. In one’s lifetime, this kind of experience is hard to happen. One needs to have the eyes to see beyond the ordinary and need the grace of a true guru to attain that power. Saying something is easy. Witnessing it and experiencing it from deep within is not easy at all. That is truly extra ordinary.
Next day morning, we took the boats to go to the island temple of Shripadh Shri Vallabha. The moment we reached the bank, we could hear the chants of digamabra, digambara, shri pad vallabha digambara but we could not see anyone chanting. The chants were peculiar. Shashank adds, “Mohanji asked me, can you hear the chants? I said, I can hear the birds chanting the mantra, Mohanji. He then turned towards me, smiled and said, “Are you sure they are birds?” Then I could understand that they were the divine entities, welcoming Mohanji to the temple!”
With Mohanji’s grace we had the privilege of participating in the abhishek of Nirgun Paduka of Shri Pad Shri Vallaba Maharaj. It was not less than a celestial event. All deities from Shirdi Sai, Bhagwan Nityananda, Lord Ganesha, Lord Shiva appeared. Their appearance and sights were vivid. Shashank adds, “I was sitting just behind Mohanji and during whole of the pooja, was looking at Mohanji’s hair. I could not take my eyes off. I tried concentrating on the pooja, but sight used to come back to His hair. Then I knew the reason! I could see whole of Vaikuntha being formed on his hair. Sheshnag with Lord Vishnu laying down, with Lakshmi on his side. I also saw the lotus flower and Lord Brahma sitting on it. It was a spectacle. The hair curls of Mohanji also formed the waves of the Ksheera Sagar. It was an overwhelming experience and brought tears in my eyes. After the pooja was over, I rushed to Mohanji and before I could tell him, he said, “I wanted to tell you that you will see Vaikuntha today!” I was speechless and had tears of gratitude in my eyes.”
Mohanji was feeling at home and took us around the complex showing and explaining the significance of each place. We came across the sacred tree of knowledge, the tree of the tradition! The sacred banyan tree at the temple whose roots connect straight to your soul! Mohanji asked us to hold the roots and feel the vibrations!
A little further there was a cave of Datta avatar Mahayogi Vasudevananda saraswati or Tembe Swami. Mohanji asked Shashank to enter the cave and said, “You will find me inside”. Shashank narrates, “The cave was very small and only one person could enter at a time. When I entered the cave and reached the place where Mahayogi Vasudevananda Saraswati meditated, I felt Mohanji was behind me. I wondered how he could enter the cave as it could only accommodate one person. When I turned, I did not see him, but felt his presence all around. The cave was dark as there was no light source. I switched on the flash of my camera and saw a spectacular site inside the cave. There were so many “M” on the wall and the eyes of Mahayogi Vasudevananda Saraswati in the picture were very familiar J. Glassy eyes! I did find Mohanji inside.”
After spending some more time, we took the boat back to the ashram of Sri Sri Sri Vittalananda Saraswathi Maharaj. Then we saw a breath-taking view. A golden snake was swimming in front of us, showing us the way to the shore. The snake then vanished in the grass which was in the direction of the snake pits outside the ashram. Before it vanished, it lifted its head up from the water and blessed us. Later Mohanji explained that the snake pits were the path to the Nag lok and the golden snake was the celestial snake that came to bless us.
At the ashram, a yog workshop of Siddha Samadhi yoga was being held. Acharaya Jagan Guru ji was conducting the workshop. He had had an instant connect with Mohanji and he requesedt to address the students of the workshop. Mohanji agreed to address. Mohanji later said, “It is such an honour of giving talk at of Sri Sri Sri Vittalananda Saraswathi Maharaj ashram, the same place where the Great Sripada Srivallabha used to conduct his Satsangs, centuries ago. All because of the blessings of Vithal Baba ji and Lord Sreepaada.”
Later in the day we went to the place near the Krishna River where Sripad Shri Vallabh used to do surya namaskar in the morning before going for meditation and satsang. Dhritiman Biswas says, “Grace of Lord Datta continued on the group. HE allowed us to stand on the stone on which HE used to stand and walk on. HE also allowed us to touch the place where he used to sit and meditate. This was near the place where the swyambhu Ganesha is kept to whom we all bowed down to and prayed. The final Grace was showed, by the presence of Lord Datta himself in the form of a divine bird as we walked back to the ashram”.
Sreepada Sreevallabha used to spend the nights at the island Kuruvapuram, which is the other side of the river Krishna, and used to come to this bank during every dawn. He used to take bath, worship Shiva and Ganesha, do Surya Namaskars on a rock and sit and meditate for sometime and then conduct satsangs to Humans at the place where the current ashram of Vittal Babaji stands. This was in 1300AD. In the evenings, he would walk on top of water and go back to the island. The place he used to sit in Samadhi is the current nirguna paaduka temple of Sreepaada. In the nights, many celestial beings used to come to meet him and he used to conduct satsangs for them. The banyan tree is the celestial portal. What a divine place, so filled with vibrations of the highest order!
We spent the rest of the evening enjoying the love and hospitality at the ashram. While Mohanji was interacting with the people at the ashram and feeling at home, a duck came from nowhere and started cuddling with Mohanji as if it found someone it was looking for lifetimes. It started kissing him all over his hands and arms. Then it climbed Mohanji’s feet and sat there with authority. This went on for 25 minutes. In its expression of love, it plucked a few hairs from Mohanji’s arm and then carried it around in its beak as a precious gift!
Next morning we headed back to Hyderabad. There we had the honour to visit Sri Sri Sri Vittalananda Saraswathi Maharaj. The group received a warm reception. Dhritiman adds, “Meeting Swami Maharaj Vittal Babaji was the icing on the cake. His boundless love overwhelmed each one of us, especially his discourse from an ancient book about a story on Lord Rama, Mata Sita and Lord Hanuman. It left many of us in tears. Grace kept on flowing till the last as Swami Maharaj Vittal Babaji blessings verily from Lord Datta himself, melted us and fused us all in one consciousness.” Vittal Baba later accepted the invitation extended by Mohanji on behalf of Shirdi Sai Baba samiti of Pallakad for the inauguration of a Shirdi Sai temple at Pallakad on 14th to 16 January. The group was later blessed by Vittal baba as he gave us the onerous task of proof reading the English translation of ” Sripada Vallabha Leela Vybhavam and the English and Hindi translation of a yet to be launched book written in Telugu, “Sri samaratha ramdas swamy charithamrutham.” We left the place fully gratified at the huge service opportunity that had come our way fully gratified at the love showered on each one of us.
This is my story of how I met Mohanji, and how He helped me with my addiction. Hopefully, if it inspires at least one person it will serve its purpose.
I was hooked on LSD and Mohanji saved me. I may have taken it around a 100 times within the period of 2010-2012. This is a potent psychedelic drug opening up many hidden layers of consciousness. In November 2012, with just one single Shaktipat Mohanji destroyed all the links and addictions. It’s been one year now since I’m off drugs.
I was addicted to the experience that these psychedelic drugs open me up to. In order to have the experiences I needed the drugs, but I wanted all of that to stop. It was leading me nowhere. I was seeing same inner landscapes, and after 6-8 hours from taking the psychedelic I was back as the old me with a memory of just another fake Satori experience.
One day in April 2010, I was high on LSD, and MDMA, having one of my many sessions of inner explorations, with intent of having one more insight and “evolve” further. While I was googling images with keywords such as Babaji, Enlightenment, etc. a portrait photo of Mohanji popped up in the search results. I ignored it, since there was something plain about it. 🙂 Then after some few hours later another photo of Mohanji came out again in the search results, and I felt I have to see where it leads me. It lead me to his blog post on Nithyananda Scandal. Wow, I was in for a great surprise. Someone seemingly looking so plain and ordinary speaking pearls of Wisdom and Truth. A Supreme Master disguised in a veil of Humility. If the drug did not sharpen my consciousness I would have most probably missed Him. Usually we notice things that glow and shine. But only the inner eye can recognize the stature of a True Master.
The effect of the LSD and MDMA was at its peak. While having the peak experience I was reading Mohanji’s words, and each word struck a cord as Absolute Truth. In that moment I knew I found a Supreme Guru. He spoke with so much Love, Clarity, Objectivity, Knowledge, Humility, and Power.
From that moment on, every day, I was reading Mohanji’s blogs. He became my daily companion and a Supreme Guide.
In 2011, Mohanji was coming to Serbia. Wow, a True Master coming so near by. Belgrade is 500km distance from where I was living. I arranged everything to attend the Power of Purity meditation in Belgrade. I drove to Serbia with my wife and a friend. At entering the city, I started looking for a parking spot. I found one just 50 meters from the place where the meditation was organized. What a “coincidence”. 🙂 I never used the map, didn’t asked anyone, or even have idea where I’m driving to get to that place. And, I arrived exactly at the place of Satsang in a huge city such as Belgrade. Interesting.
We entered the meditation place, and sat at the back since it was already all packed with people. When Mohanji entered, one thought entered my mind and stuck in my head: “Finally I met My Master”. He was emanating white light. Each word he said I already knew inside of me. As if my soul was one with Him and all His words had a flavor of déjà vu. At the end he was giving Shaktipat. After he delivered Shaktipat to me, he just said: “Stay connected.” “Oh, You bet I will, Master” – I thought to myself. 🙂
I came back home fulfilled. Days went by, and I still was reaching out to LSD for experiences. The connection to Mohanji was steadily growing day by day. I was being silly, and at times I was hiding his picture away not to see me that I’m taking LSD. 🙂 As if He sees me through the photo and I’m being naughty doing drugs. I felt Mohanji would not approve. This was making a conflict in my mind.
It was an inner conflict waiting to be resolved at the first Serbia Lifestyle Retreat with Mohanji in 2012. Over there, I told Mohanji about my LSD abuse, and asked him what he thinks I should do about it. He said he’s against drugs, of course. Oh, so that is why I felt the conflict. 🙂 He advised me to be aware of the process if the craving comes, and that I should just try to watch it objectively, and do nothing about the whole thing. He asked me: “Who is in control, you or the LSD?” At the end he told me: “If you want, I could finish it tonight during Shaktipat. You just hold the intent, and I’ll take care of it.” I said – “Yes, please Mohanji, I’ll hold the intent, I want this to stop.”
That night during Shaktipat, Mohanji completely destroyed the addiction. It was gone. When I got back home, I was a “clean slate” person. All the people I was connected to through the LSD, miraculously went different ways. My thought processes changed, and the cravings were very few, bearable and quite easily ignored. I was born anew.
Words cannot describe the infinite gratitude I feel.
I think I’m getting the hang of this, finally. I really never expected, much less anticipated, finding a Guru. Thankfully, the Universe had a plan, and this led to that, and I met you this summer (2013). I’m grateful and bless (during every POP) the people who led me to that meeting.
After reading a blog this morning, “Signs That You Are With Me” written by Keshnie Shannon Pillay, I began to think about our relationship in a different way and now, at the end of the day, I decided to write this all down so you (and anyone who cares to) can see the story from my perspective.
After meeting you and spending many hours (satsangs, meditations, yoga classes, conversations, meals – and even a Homa!) with you and your devotees, I was a changed person. I was calmer and happier. Then the school year started. I’m a college professor and had not spent the summer prepping, as I could have – because it was much more fun hanging out with a Guru! I became “busy” with work – but it was the same road I’d trod before. Yet, as I was changed, it didn’t fit well. I felt conflict within myself, but I didn’t know how to put words to it, much less resolve it, until today.
I thought it had to do with the differences in our cultures; I am a white, middle class American, raised in rural western New York State. I’ve travelled relatively little; though I have a fairly realistic global outlook on life, I speak only English well and French marginally. My strength is in writing and teaching – I have little experience or desire to deal with international commerce. I was raised in the Methodist (Christian) tradition, and my family is so traditional that two of my sisters felt comfortable marrying Mennonites (not that my brothers-in-law are very traditional Mennonite, but their common backgrounds are very structured Christianity).
Because of my upbringing and my spiritual awareness, I walked away from the church, though I was baptized (at least twice) and spent much of my youth in that environment. I knew from a very early age that there was more to it that the church-goers seemed to see or experience. I learned from many: American Indians, Wiccans, Metaphysical Studies, and open-minded Christians who were interested in all cultures. I thought following my own instincts and path worked best, as that seemed to be the truth of my experience. Many times (at least six), I tried to return to church and every time, I walked into services that seemed more like business meetings. I gave up. I found guidance and inspiration in life and sought the Light through prayer and meditation. Though I wanted more, I trusted my soul to warm to the truth and shy away from stagnation. I still consider myself a Christian, as I seek to be Christ-like: loving, honest, humble, wise, giving, and open. I hoped to serve by helping people, empathizing and serving them by giving of myself. At the same time, I honored the Light of my own Divinity, seeking to be the best “me” I could be. (Clearly, I became fiercely independent.)
When I met you, I was (am!) in my 50s, divorced three years, childless, living alone hundreds of miles from family, with a challenging job I enjoy. I’ve survived some rough times, including the loss of my parents and the stress of… well,…stress. I was (am!) not in good shape physically and tired of it. Most of the areas of my life, including the friends I have, are lovely, rich, and interesting to me. However, I want to thrive. I want to live in the Light.
Meeting you, dear Mohanji, was fascinating to me. I have always been sensitive and have, for years, talked with my Guides (angels, spirits), as friends. I have friends who have worked and studied to be healers, and they have told me that I am gifted in my sensitivity and awareness. I thought, quite frankly, that everyone was that way. It’s only in the last few years that I’ve realized how different I am (because of this feedback from my friends). I thought everyone was like me, so I was confused about why they would live the way they did, do the things they do, and concern themselves with the minutiae of life. Again, my friends have helped me to see who I am in that regard. While I always have been Spiritual, I have struggled to understand life on life’s terms, as they say. Focus, career aspirations, and all that were difficult for me to grasp. I bumbled along, but was happy enough, as that wasn’t the focus of my life. And yet, it had taken control of my life.
Meeting you was like stepping into the Light, where suddenly I could be the Spirit that I am, without any hesitation. You took it all in and met me where I am. No one has done that in my life. Everyone required explanations and clarifications, if they understood me at all. Talking to you was like picking up a conversation that I started with a friend… a friend I just hadn’t seen in a while. So, spending time with you was the most natural thing in the world and becoming involved in your work was humbling and gratifying. For the first time in my life, it seemed, I could just be myself (without editing).
Yet, then work loomed. My bad habits of procrastination cropped up. I let work go until I had to work on a Sunday night instead of going to a POP. I was struggling with balance and didn’t know how to work it out. I thought the conflict I felt was insecurity, or difference in culture, or something even more esoteric. I did what I always had: bumbled on alone, trying to sort it out myself, not expecting that anyone would notice, much less want to help out. That’s how my life was, I thought, and I like that I’m strong and confident. Then, less than 36 hours after the POP that I missed, I woke out of a deep sleep in the middle of the night. I felt that you’d just stepped behind a curtain in my room – one that wasn’t really there. I felt like you had popped in to check on me, just to see if I was ok. It still makes me smile the way it did that night. I felt your love, concern, consideration, and respect.
I continued to bumble along, the Universe led, and I followed, but I didn’t communicate my concerns to anyone in particular. I wrote, as always, in my journal, and I prayed. Occasionally, I talk to your “business card,” expressing my frustration. I ended up in a workshop given by a representative of Tony Robbins, and, as a result, I decided to attend a long weekend seminar given by Mr. Robbins. I wanted to shake my life (myself) up a bit and maybe start working out. I wanted a challenge, maybe. Mostly, I wanted to get off the couch, stop complaining, and start living in earnest.
I’m not sure if you’re familiar with Mr. Robbins: in a nutshell, he invented the idea of business coaching. Others call him a motivational speaker, but he is so much more than that. He’s counseled many presidents, Oprah, sports legends, rock stars, and business moguls. He’s force. (Like you!) But, in the past, I’d never invested in his books, as they seemed much like everything else on the self-help shelves in the bookstore. I had no idea what I’d signed up for, when I signed up for that seminar. I’ll never regret it. I’ll always be grateful (again) for the people who led me to that crossroads where I said “yes.”
So, last weekend, November 7-10, I was in NJ (just outside NY, NY) at the seminar. The first night was great; I met a lot of people, I learned some things about myself, and we all ramped up and did a “fire walk” (about eight feet of hot coals). It was fun, interesting, and challenging. We danced, talked, followed his lead, and found our inner strength. I was happy about the whole thing. The second day was relatively uneventful; more of the same sort of self-discovery kind of thing. And I love that sort of thing.
By the third day, I was calling him Tony, like I know him – even though I was just one of 5,000 in the room, and he wouldn’t know me on the street. I’d know him, of course – for one thing, he’s 6’8” tall: hard to miss. That day was the most challenging. He talked about human needs (consistency, variety, significance, connection, giving, and growth). We talked, danced, participated, and learned about ourselves and each other.
After dinner break, Tony took us through what he calls the “Dicken’s Process.” He patterned the workshop after “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens. He had us identify our limiting beliefs and reach deep for honesty about what those beliefs have cost us. In the book/movie, Scrooge is visited by three ghosts from Christmas Past, Christmas Present, and Christmas Future. Tony pushed us to visualize the damage we’re doing ourselves, and it was extremely uncomfortable.
I’m not sure the point when I asked for you to help me, but I think it was before it became very intense. I believe I asked for your help to give up those limiting, damaging beliefs. However, I wasn’t thinking of my circumstances. By the time I knew you were there, I had already thought to myself, “This is what Hell is like.” Men were sobbing, women were wailing, and most of the lights were dimmed, though there were some red lights throughout the room. Tony pushed harder. People were honestly suffering. I felt safe – I knew Tony Robbins has done this with literally millions of people. Also, I was buffered by my Guides, and then, I realized, by you. I remember even pushing away from you to be sure I felt bad enough to give up my pain. (Isn’t that an odd logic?)
A few people walked out because of the intensity of the experience, but most were freed by it. Realizing they were creating their own pain and living in it, calling it necessary… well, it worked. He helped us let go of those beliefs and challenged us to be free and happy. He even did some psychological work that eliminated most of our unhappy memories.
It was quite a night all in all. I will never forget it. I will do it again. And I will do more work with Tony. He’s great coach.
On one hand, this week has been hard; part of the experience resulted in physical detox for me. I was very active for four days – more active than I’ve been in the past ten years together. For the last few days, I’ve rested, drank gallons of water, eaten a vegan diet (some cheese here and there), and cut down on caffeine, bread, and sugar by at least 75%. On the other hand, I feel more free and happy than I ever have in my life. I knew intellectually the things Tony taught and talked about, but the experience made it part of my body. Not only do I think I’m strong, I know I am. I’ve pushed and not found my limit.
Which brings us to today. I was up very early (4:30am). I have more energy, now that the detox is wearing off. I prepared a fruit salad and made my way to the POP Meditation. I was the first I’ve done in awhile, as, of course, I’m not doing these at home. That would not fit my habit pattern of “I’m tough and can do this on my own.” Fortunately, as a result of this weekend, I realize how absolutely ridiculous that is. I melted into the meditation and saw myself sitting at the Ashram (the one we’ll have in VA) by the pond. In the end, you came and sat with me.
Then, during the Satsang, I thought of the blog that Keshnie wrote. As I listened to you talk to the others, I realized I have been conflicted, but it wasn’t what I thought it was about. I realized I haven’t been fully participating in the process that you’re offering. You talked about the Mind and the Intellect, and it began to sink in; that is where the conflict has been. I thought about the paradox of the language surrounding your message. There is liberation, but the freedom comes from becoming One, from joining with you, connecting regularly and often. The bondage comes from the delusion of independence, the illusion the Mind/Ego perpetuates. I reflected on about how I know, more and more, that “sin” is the belief that we actually can be separated from the Divine, and holding on (attachment) to that sin causes any suffering.
And so, I asked you about the seminar last week – I asked about your perception of what happened to me and asked for validation that you were there. Though I’m sorry I didn’t make the connections sooner, I can tell you I plan never to forget this experience either. I will always take that one step. You showed up. You have taken 100s of steps for me. At the Satsang, when you finally understood my question, your reaction was clear – you felt my concern and the anguish in that room last week. That you care so much touches my soul in ways I can’t quite describe. I feel more than belonging – I feel that I finally fit. It’s as if I’ve been a fish walking on land, from pond to pond, and I’ve finally been introduced to the ocean.
I’m struggling for words; independence is what I’ve left behind, but dependence is not the opposite. Perhaps it’s liberation. I do know is that I understand, finally, this relationship. I appreciate fully your patience and guidance to this peace I feel. I grasp the concept of Guru and I embrace it. THIS is what you’ve been trying to explain since that first day, when you saw me, whole and fully. That was the first miracle – that you knew me, recognized me, immediately. The second may be your strength of character or it may be your calling, but your patience with me has been Herculean, and that’s all you, either way.
On the occasion of Janmashtami I wish to share the truth existence experienced during last 4 years. It is Krishna and nothing else. But the truth was shown to me after several tests only. When Vivek, my son left his physical body I could feel the strong and loving presence of lord for the first time in life. Till then, completely lost in terrestrial existence I could never feel the love he was showering on me. On the 3rd day after Vivek left us lord came to my hand in the form of Bhagavatham. Ever since lord is guiding me with his unconditional love. Lord asked me to see my child in all the children and serve them selflessly. He showers endless blessings to his devotees.
Soon after Vivek’s death I got the fortune to meet lord as a young boy in Guruvayoor temple who assured me that Vivek is safe in his abode. But illusion is so strong that it keep on creating doubts in the mind of devotees. The kind lord answers all prayers of his beloved devotees again and again.
In the path of liberation whenever I stumbled, lord sent his representatives to pick me up and lead me forward against all odds. There are numerous occasions like that.
These tangible experiences prove lord’s immeasurable love and kindness for his devotees. Two of them I want to share with you.
Although I was getting profound experiences in POP meditations, I had doubts about possibility of hallucinations. Some external opinions added to it. I prayed to Krishna intensely for help. Shernazji was the instrument to clarify this doubt. One Friday I could not attend the group meditation and I meditated from home. Then I had a beautiful vision of lord Muruga blessing me. Next day Shernazji took me to a swami who is in the consciousness of lord Saravana. Without any enquiry swami told me that he came in my meditation to bless me. He assured me that I am going to have a soul union with Krishna soon.
The next one is the most profound experience I had. I lost my son at the age of 38. Due to tubal sterilisation which I had done and my age doctors were negative about the chance of having another child. But due to intense mental depression I was not able to digest this fact and went for the treatment. There was no result and after one year I left that desire too. On my birthday on March 2012 Baba sent me blessings in a unique, miraculous way.
I had earlier mentioned about Mukundanji in Dubai famous for Baba’s consciousness. That particular day I was in a very bad mood feeling the emptiness and with a troubled mind I was spending the day. Suddenly I felt the presence of Baba with me and started meditating on him. I had a clear vision of Baba blessing me putting both hands on my head. In a trance state I phoned Mukundanji. Usually I never call him and he will not go to bless anyone unless Baba asks him. When I called him he was surprised. He asked me to come down from the flat. It was a surprise for me. There is at least 20 min driving from his place to my home. But when I reached down I saw Mukundanji waiting for me. He was taking the blessings to one of Baba’s devotees and when he reached near my home Baba asked him to give it to me. He gave me some rose petals from Babas garland in Shirdi and asked me to keep it with me in my bedroom. Baba’s message was to keep faith and rest is assured.
During the Kailsh Yatra I was cleared of many of my past lives karmas by Mohanji. Again in many dreams, lord asked me to keep faith in him and serve unconditionally. In the month of August I had the most powerful astral journey. Sree Sathya Sai Baba came in my dreams for the first time and lead me to the abode of Krishna, taking my hands. I wish I could share the beauty of that experience in words. I saw my child and many other children in lord’s abode. When my body was lying motionless in Sharjah, the real me was taken to different astral planes. I could feel the oneness among all, could experience the detachment and finally I had the bliss of merging to Krishna consciousness. Lord asked me to take pilgrimage with my family to fulfill certain vows and towards the end of it I got the miraculous news that I am blessed with a baby. We got Anagha Lakshmi on 22nd April, 2013. Now when I turn back and see the journey I can see that it’s all Krishna’s mercy. Again and again lord appeared in my life and he is the only truth. This journey will continue…
The power of pure devotion and selfless love can be experienced only with his grace. Even devotion is his gift. I am blessed with the experience of lords mercy and love in day today life. I had doubts and had been judged wrongly for my devotion and love. But masters kept me under their protection. I had seen Krishna in my father, husband, children and above all in my guru. Today seeing Krishna in every being around me, I am able to face all the challenges with smile. “Whoever is your guru, surrender to the guru tattwa flowing through him”. Soul is much more powerful than body. This is my own experience in the path of truth and the messages I am getting constantly.
As a closing note I humbly invite the soul presence of all family members on the occasion of inaugration of “Vivek memorial hall ” in my small village. This too is a wish came true by master’s blessings. The inauguration is on 1st April at 3pm .
“The Guru is God Himself manifesting in a personal form to guide the aspirant. Grace of the God takes the form of Guru. The Guru/Disciple relationship is the highest expression of friendship for it’s based on unconditional love and wisdom. It is the loftiest and most sacred of all relationships.”
I consider myself twice blessed as I had the great fortune of knowing two great saints at a very close proximity, apart from many virtual gurus. I met my first Guru, Paramahamsa Ramananda, after my marriage, who initiated me into meditation out of His great love and kindness. Soon after that he attained samadhi at a ripe age of 93. Though I found his unmistakable guidance at every step of my life, my heart longed for a Guru who is approachable and with whom I could converse freely and satisfy my spiritual quest. I would fervently pray my Guru to bless me meet a “true saint”.
My prayers were finally answered and the auspicious day had come when I met Guru Mohanji. His unconditional love, compassion, warmth and friendly attitude stuck the chords of my heart. I started to feel that YES this was the Guru I was looking for. Other than praying Him sincerely I knew nothing. He would respond to the prayers immediately and always said that ‘a true devotee’ is his weakness. I started experiencing a lot of spiritual upliftment in his divine presence and my family and friends also started noticing the shift taking place in me. Just being in His divine presence was enough to experience the change taking place mentally and spiritually.
One fine day Guruji called me aside and said that he wants to initiate me into “Shaktipat”, so that I am helpful to the people around who are in distress to remove the negative vibes and blocks. Since He cannot be everywhere physically, he told me to do my part for the society. He assured me that it will be through me He will be operating and I being only the medium. My happiness knew no bounds as this was my mission in life, to be helpful to the people around. I was wondering how a True Guru understands the psyche of His disciple. I just couldn’t thank all the Gods and Gurus who were guiding me above for giving me this rare opportunity to help others.
I noticed on my first POP meditation Guruji’s hand doing Shaktipat to me first. When I started to give Shaktipat to my friends, I strongly felt the invisible hand of our Guruji over mine. It was blissful to feel how a True Guru keeps up His word.
I messaged my experience to Mohanji for which he said he was there during the meditation and he was very happy the way it was conducted. Last but not the least, in his usual sense of humor he said that the “dosas” which I made as an offering to him were very delicious. What a fortune it was to hear this.
When a Guru’s grace falls on the disciple, so many bad karmas gets washed away due to their compassion and benignity. All that we need to do is to follow the Guru’s teachings and love Him sincerely from the heart.
Today I asked you a question in a moment of weakness, maybe even jealousy. I asked you why I don’t get signs that you are with me? So many get clear cut signs and tangible experiences. Why don’t I get these? Like an obstinate child I demanded an answer, however I was not ready to accept it.
Seconds later there was the loudest clap of thunder I had ever heard (a sign presumably). Since I was determined to be upset about this I missed that clear cut sign completely. What followed was a thunderstorm. Again I was consumed with emotions so I paid no heed.
Then came the sign I had been waiting for. As I prepared to listen to some music an unexpected video popped up. A video of a discourse given at Sri Satya Sai baba’s ashram in Whitefield. The story was that of Krishna Dasa.
Many years ago there was a priest in a temple in India. This temple was very special because the priest was blessed with the ability to interact directly with Lord Krishna every day. He would relate all the joys and the sorrows of all the devotees to Lord Krishna. Naturally this temple was very busy as every devotee wanted the priest to speak to Lord Krishna and ask him to fulfil their wishes.
Also in this temple was a boy named Krishnadasa. Everyday from dawn till dusk Krishnadasa would sit in the temple and cry. He held a deep desire which nobody could fathom what it was. After a year of witnessing him cry everyday the priest eventually got upset.
He went to Lord Krishna and said “Lord this is so unfair. Krishnadasa has been crying and pining for something for a year now. Why don’t you answer him?”
Lord Krishna replied “Why don’t you ask him what is it that he desires?”.
“I can’t do that Lord, it won’t be fair. If I go back and ask him then he will think you are partial to me. He will think you listen to me but don’t listen to him.” retorted the priest.
Then Krishna replied “Okay, why don’t you ask him whether he wants me to reply to him?”
The priest was still apprehensive but he posed this question to Krishnadasa. He asked “Krishnadasa, lord Krishna would like to know if you want him to fulfill what your heart desires?”
Krishnadasa replies “I certainly have a deep desire but whether it should be fulfilled or not is Lord Krishna’s wish.”
The priest is puzzled and he says “No tell me, don’t you want your desires fulfilled?”
Krishnadasa repeats “It is Krishna’s wish.”
The priest being confused goes back to Lord Krishna and say “Lord what is going on here? You asked me to ask him if he wants his desires fulfilled. He is saying it is up to you. What are we to do?”
Lord Krishna laughed and danced with joy and mirth. The priest was again confused as he had never seen The Lord this joyful. Then Krishna exclaimed “I knew my Krishnadasa would say this. You see my dear priest you and all the devotees come to me because you have complete faith in me. You know that even in the darkest hour I will never let you down. Even if the world turns it’s back on you and no matter what wrong you do, I will always be there for you. Well, my dear priest even I need someone like that. No matter what I do to Krishnadasa he will always be there for me. Whatever I do to him, he will always respond to me when I speak to him. I have complete faith in him. He will not let me go. If you tear your heart open you will find me there but if you tear my heart open you will find Krishnadasa.”
This true oneness is what we all should strive towards. So from today I would like to say “It’s up to you Guruji”. I don’t usually post my experiences but this I definitely had to share. After this I shall never ask that question again. What I have learnt is that when you ask, make sure you are prepared to see. Don’t ask with the intention of being blind.
Love you Guruji. Thank you again for this wonderful experience that has silenced my ego forever.