By Linda Abrol, Netherlands
After being diagnosed with a life-threatening autoimmune disease, I miraculously and rapidly ended up in an Ayurvedic hospital in Kerala by a renowned Indian-Swiss doctor: Dr George.
I had a difficult time practising Kriya. My mind was even more busier than at home, and at home, it was extremely turbulent in my head. It is not related to a certain amount of work. It is always busy in my head. I would say that it is related to my digestive system. I noticed years ago, for example, that concentration in meditation would prove a challenge after eating pepper, even black pepper.
Coffee or strong tea would make my mind race like a rollercoaster. And nowadays, even while avoiding these things, I can’t get my mind in an off-mode most of the time. And I notice that my digestive system is getting more and more sensitive with ageing. Especially here in India, where the food preparations are totally different than at home, I notice my mind is getting in overdrive despite the two or three massages and the homas and yoga every day. I have no duties here. I am being pampered like a princess, still feeling so restless.
So, while sitting in silence for a while after the Kriya practice this morning, I found my head almost bursting with activity that made no sense at all. I was feeling somewhat hopeless. The noises of the environment didn’t help much either. A stone factory was located at a neighbouring plot, and the work started exactly during my Kriya timing (I had to change my timing twice, for they seemed to start earlier every day). I made one last attempt to experience some peace. I connected to Mohanji’s Shiva-Silence. As I read in one of his blogs, I visualised his Shiva form in and all around me, including all the vibhuti in his hair that appeared one day in India.
I mentally took one step backwards. I became aware of my awareness. This works sometimes. But it doesn’t work all the time. I think it is grace that makes it work. But this time, I suddenly reached another dimension from one moment to the other. I became almost totally thought-free. It was as if my mind slowed down from 200 km an hour to 3 or 4 km. Sounds were not outside of me anymore. I had disappeared. Everything was within me but not disturbing me at all. If I must describe what was left of ‘me’, I would say that I was a slow-moving wave. Empty and full at the same time. No mind, no desires, no fears, no nothing. Just peace. A fluid kind of peace. Everything was within me. And clear. No question to be answered. The words ‘Thuriya state’ kept coming up a few times. Thank you, Mohanji!
After a few more cleansing massage therapies, my mind started getting calmer and calmer. Negative thoughts and ‘to-do thoughts’ would disappear almost completely. Between therapies and homas, I enjoyed translating the second half of ‘Miraculous Days with Mohanji’ to Dutch, which I was able to complete at the end of my stay. In this way, I stayed connected to Mohanji all the time. And to Rajesh, the author, who wrote this amazing and easily accessible mixture of deep spirituality, true faith and devotion, miracles and humour. Actually, what I did was work, and work was, of course, discouraged while in the clinic, but for me, it was mainly relaxing, so I simply didn’t call it work.
Shortly after the treatments had started, I had a strong feeling: your blood is ok now. This was strange because nothing had really happened. The therapists were only preparing my body. ‘We make the body weak at first, and then the toxins will be released much more easily.’ But somehow, the thought released the feeling of being sick. The mental identification with sickness seemed to have been replaced by: I am fine, and the body is under construction.
In hindsight, the rest of the ‘retreat’ as I would now call my stay became a pleasant holiday with occasional awkward massages, but that was quite manageable. It soon became clear who resonated with whom, and two weeks before my departure Christiane and then Thuliya arrived. Two soul sisters – that’s what I would call them. Outside, the rain was pouring down, and the atmosphere inside was getting warmer and cosier. Whereas in the first detox week, I still had all sorts of mealy-mouthed detox thoughts leaking out of the depths of my being along with the toxins (Nobody likes me. I say all the wrong things. I am nothing, uninteresting, lonely. Very stupid (and the worst): You let yourself be spoiled and pampered like this. It really proves that you are useless to society. That last one came from very deep and insidiously stuck in my mind and definitely came from a previous life.
A seer once told me about a previous life as a rich English daughter, in which I really had nothing to fight for or live for. Everything came flying, so to speak. I felt so bored and useless that I became ill and died at the age of twenty-five. Hence the feeling of being spoilt was a threat to me rather than a blessing. And hence, probably, my severely useless feeling as I spent the last six years rehabilitating from whiplash and then a broken shoulder tendon. And that is probably why I was so happy when Mohanji made me feel useful again!
In this life, I love to serve people. The feeling of being able to add value to the world after a long rehabilitation period, to have a purpose again! Old traumas create beliefs. Suppose ‘dying of uselessness’ from the previous life has become a belief – deeply rooted in my subtle body, then it is logical that the past ‘useless’ rehabilitation period reflected and triggered that belief in my system: you are useless now, so you will die. A life-threatening disease was born.
I realised that this whole issue was a mental detox, and I let it run its course but did not identify with it. I looked at it as an observer, a witness, without suppressing the feeling, and I spoke casually about it. Together with my openness about the inner mess to other guests (patients sound so sickly), their hearts opened up to me, and some of them left their Swiss unintelligible German behind for a while to include me in the conversations. Apparent indifference towards me at the start quickly changed to – I immediately saw that you were something special. And: I’m going to miss you very much when you go home.
So, not only did the company of the other guests become very warm and pleasant but also my body soon felt calmer, much better than at home. When Dr George went back to Switzerland after eleven days, he said to me: ‘It’s nice to see someone who is always smiling.’ And the smile came from within. Not the scared, bare-toothed laugh. (My inner voice once said that when I used to laugh my teeth out, I was actually afraid. I can now see the truth of that).
Every day, I realised how special it was that I was there in that hospital and how, since I have known Mohanji, everything has actually accelerated. And how strange it was that I meant it when I said: ‘I have a feeling this is going to heal, even though officially there is no cure for it. And if not, I’ve had a nice life. I have nothing to lose.’ Of course, I have a lot to lose, but underneath there is a quiet undercurrent. I can’t even call it acceptance. And it has nothing to do with my head. It just is. And then again, I think: how special is it that after one year with Mohanji, I have made such huge leaps in all areas of existence. Like a ‘blossom’ that bursts open and releases the fluff.
Every evening, I would wave goodbye to the people who were going home. Even though it was night, I liked to make sure that no one left on their own. I myself left at a reasonable time on 30 August and was waved off warmly by the doctors and by my new friends, Christiane and Thuliya. Now, I will have to wait two months to have my blood checked in the hospital at home, and everyone is curious about the results.
Herewith, part 2 of this testimonial comes to an end. This whole wondrous experience was staged and guided by Mohanji’s grace from the initial shock of the very beginning to the wonderful and surprising end of an adventurous and unexpected extra journey. More on that later in parts 3 and 4.
|| JAI BRAHMARISHI MOHANJI ||
Edited & Published by – Testimonials Team, 13th October 2022
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