The Kailash Within

Written by Palak Mehta

Kailas parikrama with Mohanji was a secret wish, a yearning that Mohanji fulfilled. My only intention was to go and melt with Kailas, it’s a vortex which keeps calling you, pulling you like a magnet.  From books and others’ experiences it seemed like a physical place which is all powerful, peaceful and transforming. But Kailas was much more than just that, it was much more than I had anticipated.

At your divine lotus feet eternally.. beyond the body.. beyond life on Earth........:)
At your divine lotus feet eternally.. beyond the body.. beyond life on Earth……..:) In Katmandu | Pic courtesy: Sumit

The closer we were to Kailas, the more I realized that this was a place not of this Earth. It’s the land of Gods. Dev Bhoomi. This realization was crystal clear for even an average person like me. As we approached Mansarovar, the air felt magical, the rocks on the mountains spoke, the formations in the clouds were the assuring and comforting greetings of my creator. I was falling in love. I saw Hanuman Ji in the clouds, it wasn’t just a glimpse, it was a darshan which was so reassuring and loving that I started to melt.

The first sight of Mansarovar was a cerulean blue shimmering against the warm sun and some moments later the sight of Kailas welcomed us. Shiva’s face with the hair tied up in His usual form appeared in the clouds to the left of Kailas. It was indeed a sight to behold. I was jumping like a 2 year old, exclaiming to everyone around not to miss it, but everyone seemed to be completely soaked in their own experience of Kailas. The most beautiful part is that this is the darshan I secretly wished for, to see Shiva in this form. I had not dared affirm it to my conscious mind because I wanted to be completely blank, without any expectations whatsoever , yet He gifted that to me. So unconditionally, so lovingly. We also saw a black dog at the same time. Dogs are symbolical of the tradition and kept appearing at various places throughout the journey. From just before Bharti Aunty dropped me at the airport, till the last day of the parikrama. This was only the start.

Shivas face on the left of Kailash with Black Dog
Shivas face on the left of Kailash

During the dip in Mansarovar Lake, Mohanji’s Gayatri Mantra and ‘Om Namah Shivaya’ were my legs. Having Him enter the lake first was reassuring and one could simply follow. The first dip, burnt away something in my system. My whole body, my spine was exuberating the powerful energy of the icy cold water. I cried like a baby. Ceaselessly. Profusely. Uncontrollably. The intensity and energy of the lake was so overwhelming that it wasn’t possible for me to contain so much grace and blessings. Dip after dip I kept crying, even howling. It was unburdening. It’s funny when I think of it, especially when Phaneendar joked that the huge ripples in the lake were because of my tears. Ha ha, but when I think of it, I had no other choice really. It was completely out of my conscious control.

While we performed Mohanji’s Abhishek in the water, I noticed the tejus in His eyes. It was Shiva! Unmistakably Shiva. Kailash was right in front of me and it was Mohanji. Before starting the Kailas Parikrama I asked Mohanji if I could do His parikrama first. Doing His parikrama first, only felt right and was a huge blessing for me. He is my Kailas and the reason why I got to know about Kailas or could ever go there.

Mohan is Kailasa, Mohan is Shiv
Mohan is Kailasa, Mohan is Shiv;

This was beautifully affirmed by Shiva Himself. After Mohanji performed Abhishek to Kailas before the dip, a mighty ‘M’ appeared on Kailash. The clouds hid every part of Kailash apart from that mighty ‘M’. 😀 It was Shiva acknowledging Mohanji’s presence 🙂

Tears dwelled Mohanji’s eyes when He looked at Kailash..
Tears dwelled Mohanji’s eyes when He looked at Kailash..

The grace of the dip and Mohanji fulfilling each wish was baffling. All I could do was just look at Mohanji with a big ‘thank you’ written on my face. . Luckily Sabu clicked at this exact moment!  his priceless picture is attached below.
Thank You for fulfilling my deepest desires always, for giving more than what one could ever ask for, for coming to Earth for us and finding me here and literally rescuing me from my own mind, for always being there unconditionally, for making me whatever I am today and giving me whatever strength I have to face life in its full glory.

The face of Love Pic courtesy: Sabu
The face of Love
Pic courtesy: Sabu

We spent the night at Mansarovar. During Brahma Murta, visibly excited to ‘see’ the celestial beings I got up several times with room mates and went outside towards the lake. To my dismay, I couldn’t see anything and whatever little light I saw in the lake was not tangible enough for my eyes to sense the celestial beings. Everyone around seemed to see them so easily and were satisfied with the darshan they got. After sometime everyone went to bed and so did I. But my mind was still there, like an excited child wanting to see the magic happenings outside in the dearth of night I kept turning restlessly with no sleep. Finally after sometime with strong chilly winds blowing I felt the energy within me to venture out again. This was Mohanji’s energy otherwise I would’ve surely missed this chance and slept. This time there was no one around. The vastness and magnitude of the black sky jewelled with stars and smudged by moonlight, powerful cloud formations, enormity of the mountains, the reflected Mansaorovar in the moonlight. It was all so powerful that to even imagine that kind of power is a little frightening. ‘Shiva is truly Bhole Baba’, I thought. Extremely loving and easy to please, yet enormously powerful who can shake the whole existence in a single blow.
This ‘mighty’ Shiva graced me with the sight of a big glowing celestial being hovering over the lake. All my doubts of seeing faint lights earlier had vanished. This could not be anything else. There was no other light source coming from anywhere. It was a blinding white light expanding against the black shadows of the lake. I even saw a beautiful reddish pink one with that. With the chilly winds cutting through my face I heard heartfelt chants coming from my far left in the mountains. It was a man’s voice, melodious and sincere. A heavenly experience, most likely praying to Shiva.

The Parikrama: Divine Planning

Mohanji mentioned that the Kailash Parikrama depends on the individual’s karma and only if one has complete surrender does grace benefit them.

Everything about the parikrama seemed magical. So many people from all over the world, Shiv Bhakts, Buddhists and others, coming from various backgrounds with an inherent serenity in all. My gut told me to take a pony and use it when I’d need it as I really wanted to finish the whole parikrama, in any condition. The porters and ponies were no other than Shiv Gana (Shiva’s attendants). My porter and Pony were certainly chosen by Mohanji and that’s the intention I had given. She was a sweet Tibetan girl who scolded me when I got lazy or too tired to walk but was so gentle and pampered me completely when she saw me silently overexerting my body.
She was sent by Mohanji and Shiva and I’m eternally grateful to her. She gave me a lot of strength when I felt my body wear out.

My Sherpa was Shiva Gana (Shiva’s attendants) for sure!
My Sherpa was Shiva Gana (Shiva’s attendants) for sure!

The parikrama on the first day finished reasonably smoothly but it was followed by extreme cold, storming headache, rain, some wet clothes and the Mighty north face of Kailash right in front of us. I felt totally ungrounded in that energy field, the crown chakra of mother earth- Kailash. We could see Kailash in front of us from our Balconies. It was an extremely cold and wet night and my only saviour was Mohanji. I was floating! Everyone’s voices were coming from a hollow pipe and I was just praying to make it through the night and not fall sick. Despite this, we all were rejoicing and it felt like big a party with Mohanji.

I was really touched by the bhakti and surrender of some people. Dhrittiman, Sumit and so many who walked the whole way in spite of the hardships. Each one had amazing experiences and Dhrittiman was the only person who was able to go and actually touch the Mountain- Kailash. That night Dhrittiman’s shoes were wet, Sumit had a very high temperature, Namrata was taking oxygen periodically, Rajesh Kamath didn’t have enough warm clothes and had a storming headache. Dr, Deepali, Dr. Spomenka, and others kept nursing everyone in spite of their own physical challenges. All my socks were wet and when I asked DB ( Dhrittiman) how he planned to dry his only pair of shoes in such weather conditions and no heaters, he just smiled, looked at Mohanji and said, ‘That’s not for me to take care of!’  With faith and devotion like that who can but not expect miracles to happen! DB’s shoes were dry the next day and so were mine! Namrata felt much better and stronger and another seemingly coincidence was that Vijji had an extra pullover for Rajesh. I kept seeing Mohanji take everything on himself and burn it. Silently in His usual unassuming style. His back literally became like stone sometimes. He went through knee pains, head aches. My personal experience was that my head ache, fatigue came back once the Parikrama was over, but during those three days, I know it was only His grace taking care of me.

The next morning I was woken up abruptly by my porter. Without getting enough time to pack properly or to take the altitude sickness homeopathic medicine ( a complete blessing so sweetly arranged by our team) or eat breakfast, I had to rush with my porter to the pony. It was a tough start for the most challenging day. Yet when I reached the Dolma Pass, the highest (at an altitude of 5850 mts / 19193 feet), toughest part of the parikrama, with very little oxygen; I met Mohanji on the way and was totally energized. Sumit’s deepest desire to go to Gauri Kund and do pooja was fulfilled by Mohanji who actually waited for Sumit at Dolma Pass for about half an hour. When Sumit, Biba di, Swami Govinda, Rajeshji (from UK), Panditji and Hein went to Gauri Kund, I stayed with Mohanji, completely soaking in divine bliss.

At Dolma Pass with the grace that held me throughout
Infinite Grace- With Mohanji at Dolma Pass (highest altitude 5850 mts)

The sight of the precious Gauri Kund, being with my divine Father on the toughest point, and seeing the rustic, broken mountains around, which shuddered during Shiva’s tandav was complete grace. I was jumping up and down the mountain like a monkey! I knew Mohanji was breathing for me, keeping my physical body fit and my headache in control.

Mohanji on Kailash
Mohanji at Gauri Khund                                                              Harsh weather in Kailash that tests all your limits..

The toughest part felt like a breeze and was soon over. But during the descent my body completely wore out and I just couldn’t keep up with Mohanji and everyone. Mohanji walked as if He was gliding.  I just collapsed. Random people on the way helped me. A young Chinese lady gave me some bitter herbal medicine to keep the heart strong, another woman walking past held my arm during the decent and helped me from not falling. My body was so exhausted that every step seemed like a humungous challenge. I just had to reach the lunch point because there was no shelter anywhere else. Kailash has its own tests (one after the other!). Sudden Hailstorms accompanied by harsh winds, low oxygen, extremely warm sun and unpredictability.

Rajeshji (from the UK, who commendably walked the whole way because of his firm faith) was a complete blessing to say the least. He would stop with me from time to time, encourage me to move on. After some time I was flat on the ground again. Complete energy drain. I couldn’t move a toe. Rajeshji gave me a sip of Gauri Kund water, and wow! I was brought back to the present moment, energized and refreshed. It was super powerful.. hard to imagine the purity of such water. Taashi, from our tour organizers really helped me reach the lunch spot. That was my only respite. He held me and took me there. On seeing Mohanji there I just broke down. I cried unstoppably. My body was exhausted beyond measure and I felt breathless, a vacuum inside and things leaving me. Sumit and Hein were of great comfort. Mohanji asked Hein to help me and really I can’t thank him enough for being there at that time.

With the bro- Hein, in front of Kailash and 'Om' symbol on it
With the bro- Hein, in front of Kailash and ‘Om’ symbol on it

We somehow found my pony and the journey after that seemed never ending! The majestic beauty of Kailash gave a lot of strength. It was then that I realised that something very heavy had left my system. My body was completely burnt out but I felt lighter, like I’ve been gifted with something new inside me. I felt very grateful because I was protected and though it sounds a little dramatic, I returned back alive from all that.

The third day felt like a smooth morning walk. My wish to soak in Kailash slowly, at my own pace, alone, in silence, was fulfilled. I could make videos, exchange smiles with familiar strangers, express gratitude and just BE there. Amazing how the minutest of wishes were fulfilled each time by my Divine Father.

group pic after finishing the parikrama

The Birthday Gift

My birthday fell on the 10th of August and we completed the Parikrama on the 9th. The successful completion of the parikrama during my first trip ever to Kailash and that too with my Guru was the best birthday gift I could possibly receive in this lifetime. I was completely overwhelmed with the amount of grace and love showered on me. Before leaving India, I had been looking for the perfect Shivling to get it dipped in Mansarovar and blessed by Mohanji. Sadly I couldn’t find it. At Nyalam I saw some but wasn’t feeling the pull from them and Mohanji said I could look for it ahead. We never got time after that and parikrama started.

Mercury Shivling blessed by Mansarovar Lake- The Birthday Gift
Mercury Shivling blessed by Mansarovar Lake- The Blessed Birthday Gift

On our journey back after the parikrama, the thought of not being able to get the Shivling occured to my mind. I completely warded it off so that no amount of expectation or disappointment might enter my system after these immense blessings.
On the 9th Evening, Preeti Duggal, no less than a human angel for me, hugged me and gifted me a mercury Shivling which was dipped and blessed by Mohanji in Mansarovar Lake and whispered into my ear that this gift was from Mohanji.
Tears of Gratitude and Joy rolling down my cheeks yet again! I shared this with Mohanji who had an ear to ear, adorable grin on His face. Divine Father listens to every prayer, fulfils every wish, nothing can explain the Love of a Guru. It’s truly infinite.

Soul Family

Endeavouring on the ultimate pilgrimage together with your soul family is no coincidence. We shared the tough times, rejoiced in the good ones, embraced the loving ones. There was definitely a reason why a group of certain people were bought together, mirroring and helping out each other. I found out so many past life connections (Thanks to amazing and soulful Za Gi)!
The Pilgrims were from various backgrounds yet everyone felt ‘Home’ with each other. It was amazing to share similar experiences of Mohanji’s consciousness happening to people all over the globe who’d never met each other. It was truly an honour to meet these amazing people ! Thank You All of You and for the love we share..You rest in my heart.

Mohanji's Kailashis 2014
This collage could contain close ups of only some of us, the group pic has everyone in it 🙂

Life After Kailas

Mohanji says big shifts have happened in people, now it’s up to us to maintain the sacred inner space.
In just few post Kailas days I started to feel the changes. I could feel the External world mirroring the internal one more tangibly. There is more clarity with respect to the reason for tough situations, accompanied by peace of mind, fearlessness, increase in efficiency and conviction. I also witnessed strong hits of negativity in my mind right after the trip was over. Somehow I had expected this. These were my personal tests. I felt stormed with strong ego based emotions that I never knew existed in me within 2 days of returning back. Felt like a cleansing but also hits of intense ego. At that moment DB (Dhrittiman) said something very powerful.
‘Just fill your inner space with chants or thoughts about sewa (service) work. It is very easy to fall prey to negative thoughts when the inside has been wiped clean. ~ Om Namah Shiva ‘. This was a complete opportunity in disguise! It lead to some positive life changes that I had been trying to make for years now and an even stronger prayer to keep the Kailas within me alive always.
What ‘Kailas with Mohanji’ has given us, we might realise years later if we are subtle enough. I’m eternally grateful to Mohanji who turns all my dreams into reality always. For now my prayer is that the Kailas within only dwells in deeper with time… the Mohanji Consciousness within only dwells deeper in my heart with time. Om Namah Shivaya !

Held in the arms of God
Held in the arms of God,pic courtesy: Laavanya Singh

4 thoughts on “The Kailash Within”

  1. Palak, it was lovely to hear of your heartfelt experiences! Reading about the incident at the Dolma La pass brought all the fantastic memories, especially with the Gauri Kund water. With love, Rajesh (Vijay)

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