Written by Sabrina Koletic
My name is Sabrina, or more accurately, my soul travels through this life using this body that bears the name of Sabrina. I was born in 1965 in Zagreb in the former Yugoslavia, as a first child in the family.
I would like to introduce my parents! My mother is a child from the countryside. She was only 12 years old when she had to leave her parents’ home and travel to Borovo to learn a trade. This was after World War II, a time of great scarcity in every respect.
My father was born in Zagreb, originating from a family with many children. His childhood was extremely difficult. His father, a heavy alcoholic, was an exceedingly aggressive man who died alone in a basement, with a bottle of brandy next to him. As the family was very poor, my father was given away for adoption during World War II to a dear woman who gave him a home.
My mother was born in the countryside, in a barn, while her mother was milking a cow. The first words that were addressed to her were – “Damn you”. My maternal grandmother was an orphan. She was left without parents at the age of four. She would clean houses, and do whatever it took for a decent meal and to sleep in someone’s barn.
My father was close to only one of his sisters; she was older than him and had a lot of children. Her husband hanged himself; he could not bear his life. During the war one of her children died of starvation.
My father was a very aggressive man, prone to violence and alcohol. He was a man who could not control himself. I was physically very similar to him, and today I believe that when he was beating me, he was actually beating himself. When I began going to 1st grade primary school he smashed my head with an ashtray because I could not read fluently. This is just one example out of many that I had to go through. He would also beat up my younger brother and my mother. I remember, once my mother was lying next to me and he rushed into the room and mercilessly beat her face with his fists. There was blood everywhere, on the walls, on myself, on the floor. I clearly remember that image today, though he died 20 years ago.
I remember the great fear that we went through because we never knew what to expect when he appeared at the door. Numerous times I urinated in my pants when I heard the door open and him entering. We had a grandmother who was a believer and always prayed to God. My grandmother prayed to God and I prayed to God that my father would die. That way, I would not receive any more beatings.
As I grew older, my anger towards him turned into hatred. I hated that man. And I didn’t have good thoughts about God either, because how can someone say that God is good when he allows this kind of violence. And perhaps even God could not stand me and was showing me that through these beatings.
Years passed, nothing changed much, until at 16 years of age I was told that I could never become pregnant. I had big problems with my menstrual cycles. While the other girls were buying hygienic pads every month, I didn’t need them for six months. Oh well, at 16 years I was still not thinking about motherhood. Back then I didn’t take it so seriously.
In my twenties my biological clock started ticking. At age 24, I had a boyfriend and I was planning for marriage and a better life. Again, I was angry with God. I did not understand what he wanted from me, and why he was punishing me? At the time I knew a dear old lady who constantly mentioned Medjugorje, a place where miracles happen, and where they say that the Virgin Mary appeared. Since she was old, she wanted to visit Medjugorje very badly and begged me to take the road with her. I went, out of love for her only.
We traveled to this small town in Herzegovina, we settled and there was such a pleasant atmosphere. It was full of people who had come from all over the world. All wore a cross around their neck, humbly praying and kneeling. I didn’t. I came as an escort, and I was not expecting any help, whether from God or the Mother of God. When I had needed help, God hadn’t cared about me, so why should he care now? The days went by in Medjugorje. I was becoming more and more peaceful, and just liked being there.
There’s a special place in Medjugorje, called Krizevac. Here, some people built a large stone cross at the top of the hill as a sign of gratitude to the Virgin Mary. To climb to the top of the hill, you need a good 4 hours walk. The hill was carefully created; the path of Jesus is shown. It is difficult to climb the rocks, but there came the day when we decided to climb to the top of the hill.
As soon as I started climbing, at the first rest station of the Path of the Cross of Jesus, tears started to flow uncontrollably. I was shocked; I was crying but could not feel any sorrow. As we continued to climb, my crying was beyond control, and to make matters worse, my nose started bleeding. I used a bunch of handkerchiefs, but the tears and bloody nose followed me up the hill.
At the top of the hill there were a lot of people laying their hands on the cross. Well, I thought, since I was here I would also touch the cross. I put my hands on the cross, and felt a tremendous sadness. I was not sad. The Cross was sad! With open eyes I was looking at the cross! I was in total shock! How could I explain this to someone – “Look, the Cross is very sad, though I myself am all dirty from a bloody nose and the sea of tears I have spilled”. People will think that I’ve lost my mind. Afterwards a woman said to me – “You are blessed, and have been well cleansed!”
Now I had to think about it! Really, I felt much better, more at ease, as if someone had washed me from the inside. I could breathe freely. And, perhaps Jesus was not as bad as his Father! 3 weeks in Medjugorje had changed me.
After a few years, the test for pregnancy was positive. “Mom, Mom, I’m pregnant!” My mother had an appalled expression, and immediately took me to the hospital. She was convinced that it was an ectopic pregnancy. She took all my old medical records, and we went to the hospital. The doctor who examined me with an ultrasound was stunned. He left the room and returned with a few colleagues who also looked at the monitor. They talked among themselves, using their medical terms, as if I was not there. One even said out loud – “Oh, I do not believe this, this is impossible.”
It was confirmed! I was officially pregnant. I gave birth in 1992 to my first child, a daughter named Laura. I was happy, lying in a room with 3 other women. We were waiting for our babies to be brought in for breastfeeding, and I was weirdly falling asleep. I was not tired, I was not sleepy, but something led me to sleep. Suddenly, the door of the room opened and the four of us were taken out of bed and brought to our knees. At the door stood a man with gentle eyes. He was quiet, radiating love from every cell of his body. He was wearing a brown dress, and a cross around his neck. It was Jesus! He looked at me, and in my head I heard his words – “You see, you do not kneel in front of me because I need it, and we do not walk among the people because we do not want it, the strength of our bodies is so strong that all of you would be destroyed. I’m here to tell you that I have fulfilled your wish.” He raised the cross towards me, gently nodded and closed the door of the room.
I opened my eyes, perfectly remembering every little thing, my heart was pounding like crazy, and my happiness knew no bounds. At the time, I did not know anyone to whom I could recount this experience and who would not think I was weird. For a long, long time I was marked by this experience.
Laura was a baby, she needed all my attention and presence, and my husband had completely changed. He was no longer the man I had married. He began to go out in public with other women, he came back home when he wanted, he went out when he wanted! Soon enough, the whole town knew that he was treating me badly. On the one hand I had Laura, I was taking care of her, on the other hand I kept repeating the same question – Why? Why, oh why? He had ruined my dreams of the better life I wanted.
When someone really wants to know the answer to a question that torments them, the Universe generally takes care and answers. So I met a woman who had the ability to read the Akasha records, and she gave me some information. We set up a meeting. I came to her, convinced she would tell me that the problem was not in me but in him. She did not ask for a lot of data, only names and dates of birth. Then she fell into an altered state of consciousness. She started speaking to me as if I were a man sitting across from her. “You were really mean towards her, you had a child with her and then left her to care for it by herself, while you were having fun with other women.” She did not know a thing about my situation and she had not asked what the problem was. When she came out of trance, she patiently explained to me how everything happens for reasons that souls mutually settle. It was necessary to forgive and understand that he was being so hard on me because I had behaved the same way towards him.
The picture started becoming clearer to me, now it all made sense. I had now acquired some understanding. And then Reiki came into my life.
The first time I saw a Sai Baba photo, was at the Reiki workshop. It was love at first sight. “Who is that?”, I asked one of the participants. Oh, that is a great Indian saint, Sai Baba! He lives in India. Around the same time somebody suggested that I read the book “Autobiography of a Yogi”. I didn’t know much about Indian saints until I started reading the book by Paramhansa Yogananda. I do not even know how many times I read it, over and over again. The book was alive! I felt like I was there with them. It is my all-time favorite book. I also got myself a picture of Sai Baba!
One night, I dreamt that all the people from my town were running towards a big tent, and only I was going in the opposite direction. I asked someone where all these people were running to, when the answer came – “Do you not know that Sai Baba is here!” Where?- I asked. “Come here, a tent has been prepared in his honor!” I was completely shocked, Sai Baba was here, and I did not know this! Everyone knew except me! I turned to them and raced to the tent. I thought there would not be the slightest chance of seeing him, at least from afar because in front of me was a sea of people! When suddenly, someone said to me – COME! Come on in! And I entered the tent, which was full of flowers, beautifully decorated, all in honor of Sai Baba! Only to find that the tent was empty. Outside, a sea of people excitedly invoked Sai Baba, and I was standing alone in the tent. Suddenly, from behind a curtain, out came no one else but SAI BABA himself, in flesh! He was approaching me at a slow pace. For God’s sake, rather than lying at his feet, I was just standing shocked in front of him! I knelt down. He extended his hand, gently took my chin and told me to stand up. “Rise SAI!” How did he address me ? Me? Sai? I’m Sai? “SAI, I have come to tell you that I will not stay as much as I intended, I will go earlier, I’m tired.” I looked in those indescribably beautiful eyes full of love, he was smiling, as if he was amused while I stood shocked in front of a Saint! And not just any saint. I had fallen in love at first sight with that face. It was not the same kind of love as when people love one another. It was a different kind of love. I did not know how to put a name on this love!
I needed some confirmation that I was not just imagining it all, so I prayed to Sai Baba to please give me some proof that I was actually standing in front of him! It didn’t take long, and the proof came to me while out for a coffee. After a long time I met a friend whose wife had died at childbirth. I was glad to see him, and I wondered whether he had a picture of his son? “Yes, of course!”, said Zoran. He took out the wallet to show me his son and there, next to his son’s photo, was a small Sai Baba picture. I knew Zoran had never been inclined to spirituality, so I asked him why he had a Sai Baba picture! So, Zoran started with his story, “Many years ago He came to me in a dream, but I was not paying attention. Oh, all sorts of things people dream about, but I had never seen him, and I did not know he existed, but I do remember him wearing that orange dress and specific hairstyle. Then he said to me, “You’ll work with dying children!” You know how it goes, I’m a Serbian, I was not going to stay in the army for long, they asked me to choose between the army and my family.” Zoran had worked in the military before the war. “When Snjezana died , my aunt helped and then we heard from the Klaićeva hospital (Children’s Hospital in Zagreb), that they were looking for volunteers to work, and for which they would give remuneration. I agreed, of course, I needed the money”, Zoran continued. “It was only when I got to the hospital, that they told me that they needed people to volunteer in the department of cancer patients. Help was needed for both children and parents, and as I had lost my wife, and was left alone with a little baby, they thought I would be a good fit for the job! Then I remembered that distant dream, and since then I carry his image with me always.”
I asked for proof, and I got the PROOF!
When Sai Baba died, I cried a lot and prayed to him to forgive me knowing that it was selfish of me. That day he came to me with a smile on his face. I asked him what I could do for him, and he answered, “Spread Mohanji’s message!”
I told Mohanji about this because I was full of sorrow thinking Sai Baba had left and at the same time I was not sure if Sai Baba’s reply had been a hallucination. Mohanji said to me, “No. He has not left. No avatars can leave. Krishna, Rama, Buddha, Jesus, Baba and all the other great souls who walked the Earth live among us even now. Baba just expanded and remained in his larger consciousness subtle body. He is here, NOW. It was real. I was woken up at 3AM to tell you this. Mohanji and Baba are one. Same consciousness. No difference, just two different images. You are not crazy. Baba just wants you to know that you are close to His consciousness. When you serve the helpless people, birds and animals more and more, you will merge into His consciousness, which is the same as Mohanji’s too. The reason for His visit was to make you stronger and instill more faith. He has done that. Now, you will be able to do much more for the world. Take the steps. I am with you. He wants nothing else from you. Help the Helpless. Serve Unconditionally. Love, M”
2.3.2004. I gave birth to twins, but too soon, at less than 32 weeks of pregnancy. The forecasts that the boys would survive were slim. They were too small. One was bleeding in the head, already reaching 3rd degree. They thought it would be necessary to operate. There was a great possibility that he would not survive. He was too small, too small to fight! I was desperate! What should I do? Something inside me was telling me that I should not give up, so I went to the pediatrician and told him – “You know what, I can’t and I won’t accept your diagnosis.” I was searching for something I could grab onto, like a person drowning, and the doctor answered – “I like your attitude, it’s very good. It is good that you are sending positive thoughts.” A doctor, vibrations, positive thoughts – all that somehow did not go together! Usually they stick to their findings, and cling to what they have read. I asked for a straw for salvation, and I found it! Encouraged by his words, I cried with every atom of my body, invoking the Virgin Mary. I implored – “Please, I know that they are your children more than mine, please, you allowed them to come into this world, now they need your help the most, please, save them!”
And she heard me. The surgery did not happen!
In Robert’s 2nd year of life, his health got worse again. While playing one day, he fell unconscious. Chronic hydrocephalus – they said! His brain is different, it has a recessed groove, and he also has water in his head. He took medication for 2 years until it started to bother him. Once again surgery that could put him in a wheelchair was mentioned. That evening, when he fell unconscious, I called the hospital but no one in the neurological department answered the call. “Sai Baba, help me please!” I sat down at my computer. I had Facebook now, and ran into a friend who mentioned a powerful man, named Mohanji!
I found him on Facebook, and when I saw that his wife was called Biljana, I felt more comfortable. My English is not so good, but Biljana would understand me, she and I speak the same language. So that’s how I actually made the first contact, with Biljana. Somehow, I immediately felt that we would get along well, she was a darling to me from the start. Biljana translated my messages to Mohanji, and then conveyed his messages back to me! I told her everything about the situation with little Robert, and Mohanji immediately said that there would be no surgery! Although the results of the magnetic resonance imaging were disastrous, still Mohanji claimed that surgery would not happen. Soon there came a message from Biljana – Print out Mohan’s picture, look him in the eyes and pray to his energy that your son recovers! And, please, let me know how it was when you looked at the picture, says Biljana! The next day I printed out two big photos of Mohanji. I followed Biljana’s instructions. I stared at Mohanji’s third eye, and begged for help.
Then something inexplicable happened! The image of Mohanji changed into an image where I clearly saw Sai Baba. I tried several times during the night, and always the same. I saw Sai Baba! I sent a message to Biljana – “I am going crazy Biljana, the image changes by itself. I’m looking at Mohanji who turns into Sai Baba! I should either call the emergency psychiatric clinic, or go there with a picture and let them see for themselves! “No, you have not lost your mind”, came the message from Biljana. “Mohanji says that he is glad that you are so well connected!” I then seriously sat down with the picture in my hand and asked for help. “Mohanji, please help my son with your energy.” I looked at him, and tremendous pain emanated from him. I’ve never seen so much pain, actually. I did not know that pain could be shown the way he showed it to me. Then, the picture kept changing; Mohanji becoming Sai Baba, Sai Baba becoming Mohanji. He showed me that once we were both Red Indians (American Indians), living in the same tribe. At the time I did not know that Mohanji had lost his daughter. When I told Biljana what I had seen, she told me that Mohanji had a daughter who was killed in a car accident. “Wait”, said Biljana, “I’ll ask him whether he has ever been a Red Indian in his past lives!” “Yes, yes, he was an American Indian!” Such honesty on his part at first sight! No pretensions!
We lived at that time under tremendous pressure. I had to pay for a private physiotherapist by myself so that my boys would not be disabled, then buy purified vaccines, take them three times a week to exercise activities, to physicians, speech therapists, psychologists, therapists. My life was reduced to a bus ride to the hospital and back. By this time, I had completely lost my husband somewhere. The pressure was too great and he had fled into the world of drugs. He was getting sicker and sicker. When I found out that he was taking drugs, I went to his doctor to ask him what to do, and he told me “Nothing can be done, until he himself seeks help. We are powerless!” I could not believe it. Is it human to let one sick man make the rest of us sick? His anger bursts were becoming increasingly difficult to bear.
Once I called the police, I wanted to show him that I couldn’t take it any longer. And the police came, his friends came also, and they asked me why I sat at the computer if it bothered him. “This is domestic violence, and both of you are under arrest”, said the police officer! And truly, they also took me to the station. He was sitting at the table with them. They laughed and sent me to a corner of the room near the window, so as not to upset him. I was waiting for a hearing. This went on for several hours. Suddenly a light flashed past me, and in that moment I felt Mohanji’s presence. I knew he was with me. And as if these police officers also knew it, everything suddenly changed. Now they were being nice to me, and offered me a chair to sit in while waiting. Within me, I felt tremendous gratitude. Mohanji had come to help me!
He knew my blockages, better than I knew them. I had difficulty in pronouncing the word “Father” because of my past anger towards my own father. It took me a long time to really accept his message “I Love You Always”. Though it was nice to read, we had to do a lot of work on cleaning my blockages before I could accept it. I do not even know how many times I cried over his picture while he patiently repeated – “It’s all right, I’m always with you!” Thus slowly and steadily, the heaviness towards the word “father” was also washed away by him from my mind. This is indeed freedom!
Whenever I lied to myself, he always gave me a clear sign that I was wrong. I will give you an example! I once asked him to help me solve my financial problems, and I took his picture with the intent to connect with him. I looked at the picture, and in my head a strong thought accompanied with the energy of Mohanji’s eyes – “What is the truth here? Do you have a problem with money, or perhaps money has problems with you?” Ouch, how he read through me. I was in reality too lazy to do affirmations for money. There are a lot of examples like this. Every blockage that was brought to the surface was processed in accordance with the state of my mind.
My journey towards my self has just begun. At the beginning I was looking at Mohanji’s picture in awe. Do you know why? Because I was looking at the picture, a symbol which represented endless intelligence. The symbol which was calling me to awaken and overcome fears. Immense intelligence manifested in the form we know as Mohanji.
Now, freely, safely and easily I pronounce the word “Father”, and the words “I love you.” I AM ETERNALLY GRATEFUL TO THE UNIVERSE, THAT EMBODIED THE AWARENESS OF ALL GREAT AVATARS IN MOHANJI!
Furthermore, Mohanji gifted us with a more than powerful meditation for deep cleansing and becoming peaceful with oneself, 360° meditation. Each time after practising this meditation I am overflowed with the feeling of bliss. Wonderful state of being which slowly takes me to contemplation. A topic appears on its own…
…We witness every day the violent treatment of animals, people, nature. I believe that people should not be divided into good and bad. People differ only by the level of awareness in which they are. I believe that we are all essentially good, kind and full of love. I believe that we are equally responsible for each violent act that happened, whether we saw it in the news or heard about it from a friend. There is no difference whether we were physically present in the slaughterhouse or we were sitting at home. The very realisation that exactly that piece of information came to us makes us a co-creator of violence. This is an invitation for acceptance of 100% responsibility. This is what Sai Baba told me when he blessed me with his presence, that was why he addressed me with “Sai”. We are all essentially “Sai”. The question is only whether we are aware of it…
The more I was in the energy of 360° meditation, the more I was aware of myself, I started uttering the words consciously and paying attention to the feelings I radiate. In one experience during the meditation I was like a universe hugging the cosmos, radiating love. Words cannot fathom it. While I was in that state, Mohanji appeared saying, “Do you see how powerful a man is when he stops hiding behind his own fears, when he becomes aware of the responsibility that stands behind the words – we are one consciousness! Feel the thought you wrapped in the love feeling, feel how the universe responds to you!” And really, the cosmos was gratefully absorbing each ray of love I radiated, I felt Mohanji’s support echoing in my head, “Keep going.” The master was happy, he clearly let me know it. I realised and accepted, hugged the awakened consciousness with all my heart, that each second I am a co-creator of everything around me, as I am one with all and all is one with me. This wondrous meditation is a blessing for all of us. We are invited by the very source into deep transformation. Each additional 360° meditation brings new insights, gives clarity. We are one consciousness!
Recently an idea crossed my mind. How amazing it would be if the whole world practiced it and had their minds calmed down and peaceful. One united consciousness of unconditional love!
That is when I turned my thoughts into words and action. I organized an event where anyone from any part of the world can participate and practise this meditation each in their location and at the same time in their time zone. It is scheduled on Thursdays at 7.30pm IST. I welcome you all not only to benefit yourself, but also to raise the consciousness of society. The collective consciousness will then increase the likelihood of bathing in unity, without hating one while craving for the salvation of the other. Everything is interconnected. We must love all. Whatever we radiate is like a boomerang. Let’s radiate LOVE and GRATITUDE.
Translated into English and edited by Zoran Stefanovski, Biljana Vozarevic and Caroline Moscato
9 thoughts on “My Awakening”
I am so amazed to read this. God bless you. Mohanji plz bless us all.
How life gives harsh lessons, and you showed in detail how even if we go through pain we must love unconditionally because of ourselves first! The hatred echoes in our bodies first. You developed hatred towards your father which later reflected as “killing intention” in your own male children so they hardly survived. Love heals. People obviously hate only out of ignorance.
Thanks for sharing your life, experiences, feelings and emotions with us Sabrina. I am feeling deeply touched, moved and inspired by your story. May your life hereon be a path of flowers, filled with peace and joy.
Beloved Sabrina, your entire narrative is encoded with the Life Force vibrations of Mohanji and the Masters; for Truly the energies emanating from it are intensely palpable. The Living Energy accompanying each word hugs the reader in Love and comes as immense Blessings. My entire body’s been awash in it. It’s Beautiful .Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. Would be great if you could write a book … would also be a benevolent gift on film! Hug Ami
So beautifully and bravely written, so much to let go in one lifetime.. With unshakable faith and purity, grace is a by product.. and that grace gives the strength to go through life .. Mohanji says that grace doesn’t erase our Karma.. it won’t stop the rain.. but it is like an umbrella which will definitely protect us from getting wet in it.. Beautifully written by a wonderful pure, divine soul.. Love eternal.. and thank you for sharing this powerful gift as a blog with the whole world. Love You!!
Now I am sure I have made the right decision in surrendering to Mohanji. I found Him through you just 15 days ago. Besides Sabrina, you are also a saint.
Dearest Sabrina, namaste beautiful soul – so much of hardship and chiseling of the sharp edges of ego in one life time can’t but bring supreme blessings to genuine spiritual seekers like you. I felt each and every word of yours deep within me and could relate 100% – our sufferings/lessons were different in nature but the way in which we reached out to Divine so so similar. I felt that when you first connected with Mohanji and I but did not know till now just how challenging your journey was.
We meet again and again through lifetimes and hold each others’ hands as we journey into higher awareness and vibrations of Supreme Love across all the obstacles and challenges on the path.
Agree fully with Ami, the flow and overall expression as beautiful as this deserves to be coded in a book or a film to reach out to many hearts, to touch and inspire.
Ha ha, I was amazed how much your English has improved and even though ‘maybe she hired a translator’ until I saw the commentary below the text – well done Bilja, Zoran and Caroline, without you the flow that we experienced in this beautiful text would not have been as smooth. We have a winning team here! 🙂 Thank you for this beautiful seva.
My heart expands at the very thought of our beautiful global family, attracting more beautiful souls onto the path that only daring tread with utmost shraddha and saburi. Pranaams to the consciousness expressing through Sai, through Mohanji, through the Divine in us… Love eternal, Biba
Thank you for sharing your experiences!
I applaud your courage in sharing your personal struggle and journey as a sincere seeker! It helps us understand how the Divine works in our lives and how the sincere seeker’s prayers are answered!
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOUR FAMILY AND YOURSELF!
May the year ahead be fulfilling in every way!!
The Global 360 Meditation is a great idea!
But 7:30 pm IST is 9 am EST – most here are at work at that time.
PS: Thank you Zoran Stefanovski, Biljana Vozarevic and Caroline Moscato for your efforts in bring this to us!
Yes Sabrina,you are very nearer to realisation ,when tears rolling down without any specific cause,shivering also takes pace,the hairs of skin also get erected occasionally,skin of chest nearer to heart chakra glows little bit red color indicates followers is advancing in the path of BHAKTI YOGA which leads much faster than all these meditation and rituals for making mind quite,that state where mind subsides without any apparent reason.
Now the spiritual person shall arise in front of you either in physical or subtle form to wash away all the remaining KARMA or Prarabdha carried over from past lives