by a devotee, India
Kumbh Mela was always a dream since childhood and to be able to attend this someday was indeed a big milestone in my life. Due to the grace of the Tradition, I had the opportunity of doing my first Kumbh in the year 2015 in Nasik with Mohanji and again in 2019 in Prayag. I had read about the Kumbh in Prayag in the book ‘The Autobiography of a Yogi’. I would imagine the visuals of how it would be to be there in person but never knew one day I would physically attend one.
Since the time ‘Kumbh with Mohanji’ was announced, I was eagerly looking forward to this yatra (pilgrimage). However, to complete this desire I went through a lot of hurdles for months. Amidst all the circumstances when my wish was fulfilled, I realised that it was purely my Guru Mohanji’s grace which makes sure that all our wishes and desires are fulfilled.
In August 2018, my grandma (94 years of age) had a fall and fractured her hip. Following surgery, her health condition required our full-time care for her. At the same time, I also came to know of a close relative’s wedding planned for February 2019, exactly coinciding with the dates of the Kumbh Mela pilgrimage.
My hopes of doing Kumbh with Mohanji in Prayag came shattering down. Needless to say that I was disappointed but surrendered to my Guru and consoled myself that maybe this was not the time for me. A few days later, I had an early morning dream where I share with Mohanji my desire to attend the Kumbh. Soon after, I heard that the wedding had been advanced by a month and that meant it would have been completed before the Kumbh Mela pilgrimage. I was taken aback and knew that Mohanji had heard me. Although I was elated at the chance of doing the Kumbh with Mohanji, I was still unsure if I could surely make it, as my granny was bedridden and still needed our full-time care.
As the months progressed, we had some more issues in the family front, losing some close relatives. There was a lot of grief and sadness in the family. Amidst all this, I still had the desire to do the Kumbh which got rekindled when I happened to speak with Preethi Gopalarathnam one day in Dec 2018. When I expressed my deep desire to attend the Kumbh Mela with Mohanji to my dad, he encouraged me. Finally, by the end of Dec 2018, I booked my place on the pilgrimage.
Just before starting my journey, one day while caring for my granny and brushing her teeth, she bit my finger hard which later developed into an infection. I noticed swelling and heaviness in my finger accompanied by pain. The doctor put me on antibiotics right away. Normally I am a hyper person but was very cool about this situation. I wasn’t sure if I would get any medical aid at a place like Kumbh but with Mohanji’s grace all was taken care of and I received the required care by the medical facilities available at the Parmarth Niketan camp where we stayed.
Mohanji had even made sure that my travel to Kumbh was taken care of. I had the amazing company of two sisters travelling from South Africa during my train journey from Mumbai.
Even when our train was delayed, we had help from strangers who guided us to get down at the right station. Despite issues with local commuting, we finally arrived at our destination safe and sound. I was so amazed to realise how well Mohanji took care at every step making the journey comfortable and making my dream come true.
Immense gratitude to Mohanji for everything that he does for us. My journey to Kumbh was only possible because of his grace. Now I would like to rewind a bit and share what I was going through during the time of the plan to the Kumbh Mela.
I was going through a lot of emotional and mental issues since the end of Dec 2015. My mind kept telling me that everyone around me disliked me. I felt unwanted and I felt that I should keep away from everyone. I went through this negative phase for a long time, alienating myself from those around me. These thoughts were empowering and seemed to be so real. These thoughts were eating me up. I remembered during the Pune retreat, Mohanji telling me that I was possessed by entities, but at that time I did not understand what he meant. It was only during Khumb while listening to someone else’s experience, I could relate to the phase I underwent.
I did many pilgrims/retreats with Mohanji while going through this phase. It was only after the Bosnia retreat, I noticed a transformation in myself and thoughts became more positive.
Right from the first time I met Mohanji, I was unable to speak with him freely, the way others do. I would become tongue-tied when in front of him. I would want to say a lot to him but when in front of him I would get nervous and go blank. A part of me kept telling me I am not worthy to be in his presence and should maintain a distance. Maybe he does not want me to be near him. Hence many times I have lost opportunities of being in his proximity. It is much easier to talk to his picture or communicate with him mentally.
After one such trip to Kurnool, I felt that Mohanji was avoiding me and ignoring me. Every time I met him I would hope that he talks to me like he does with others. Even this time I was hoping he would talk to me, take notice of me. Now when I look back, these thoughts seem so silly.
After this background, now fast forward to the Kumbh.
As mentioned earlier I had hurt my finger and was hoping that at least once Mohanji would enquire about it. Finally, on the day of the homa when my turn came to do pranams to Mohanji (at first I felt he wouldn’t speak with me but he did), he enquired about my finger and made fun of it (I loved him pulling my leg) but as usual, despite wanting to reply, I just kept murmuring as I was unable to speak. But I was happy with the thought that he spoke with me.
Throughout the Kumbh, I had a burning desire to ask Mohanji if he was upset with me, why he ignored me and wanted to apologize to him if knowingly or unknowingly I had hurt him. I also wanted to thank him for all that he had done for me. I had put in a request if I could meet him for a few minutes so that I may convey my apologies to him. Then we were told that he will not be doing one on one meeting but would meet people in groups of 4. Now, I just didn’t know what to say to him in front of others. As usual, I was feeling very nervous before meeting him and was going blank. When I met him, I expressed my gratitude to him with tears in my eyes and got my bracelet and paduka blessed by him. I was finding it very difficult to speak to him. He mentioned to our group that the dip he had with our group was the best amongst the three dips and that he did a lot of mental and spiritual cleansing along with a lot of cleansing for ancestors for some. I somehow managed to tell him that after the Bosnia retreat, the panic attacks that I had been suffering from had stopped. Since returning from Bosnia, I had got these attacks only twice, but the intensity was much less. Earlier, I would choke when I got these attacks, gasp for breath along with spells of giddiness. Mohanji said that he did a lot of cleansing this time.
I remembered that during the Kailash Yatra, it was easy for me to take more than 10-15 dips in the freezing water of Mansarovar lake, but at the Kumbh, after Mohanji poured water on me thrice, I was gripped with the fear of not being able to take the dips. I was shaking with fear and was in tears and then Preethi Gopalarathnam helped me take the dips. Thanks to her I managed to take 5-6 dips. I don’t know what this was but now when I look back, I realise it must have been the cleansing that he did.
After an exhilarating Kumbh trip, we left early in the morning for the Varanasi airport. We had an afternoon flight to catch but keeping the traffic in mind, we left early. At the airport, I connected with a participant with whom I hardly interacted throughout the trip. It was 3 of us sharing our experiences. It was then I understood the significance of sharing experiences and why Mohanji emphasizes on the same. I got answers to many questions that were bothering me. I realized that I was not the only one who was getting these thoughts of being ignored. Others have also felt the same. I was surprised at myself for the answers I came up with for questions such as why I felt Mohanji was ignoring me. I realized it was he who was talking and not me. I was just the medium. He gave replies to my queries through me and that too in the presence of those who felt the same. Many more thoughts that were common with others were cleared.
Since my return from the pilgrimage, I feel my awareness level has increased. I only pray that this is a permanent transformation and not temporary. Only time will tell. For me, the Kumbh experience was more about understanding myself and my thoughts. I feel more positive now. I feel I am more accepting of others and I am not holding on to the past. All thanks to Baba and Mohanji for their grace. Immense gratitude to the Masters of our Tradition.
|| JAI BRAHMARISHI MOHANJI||
Compiled, Edited & Published by – Testimonials Team, 20th February 2020
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