By Sjarn Mansoor, KAILASH July 2017:
Whatever happened at Manasarovar is somewhat beyond imagination… and words. There was no particular expectation about going there, no real sense of Manasarovar’s significance or what impact it would have. I was going to Manasarovar to be there with Mohanji, and really looking forward to being able to do abishekham for him and be there in his energy field. I was there to finally experience being in the water and do prayers, enjoy the beautiful scenery and continue to Kailash. That was the most important part for me.
Even Mohanji’s comment that this journey would strip and lay bare each one of us did not quite prepare me for what was to come but reverberated through me afterward as I realized what he had meant.
We traveled through the most desolately magnificent mountain region of Tibet that was almost devoid of human habitation. A vast land of untouched purity, domed by a big blue sky that stretched forever. The towering mountains of snow, sand, and granite seemed to stand sentinel to the pure land and the vast swathes of the cold desert before reaching Kailash. We arrived at the pristine waters of Lake Manasarovar glittering in the sharp light of a high-altitude sun.
Mohanji entered the water first. Most of us stood on the shore while he did his prayers to Shiva Kailash Manasarovar.
Stepping into the water with MohanjiIt was a poignant moment.
Before us in the distance stood the mighty Kailash, giving us perfect darshan on this incredibly beautiful day. We went up to Mohanji in groups of three and poured water over him in abishekam and worship. Then we each had a turn standing in front of Mohanji as he poured water over us in handfuls.
I watched as one by one we went before him. The effect was profound as some broke down in tears and cried. It was an emotionally intense, deeply connected and an extremely powerful moment as we all became immersed in this incredible experience. At some point I bit back on the emotion and decided that I didn’t want to be consumed by tears as this was far too intense an experience and I didn’t want to spend it crying.
I looked at Mohanji and connected with him as he poured water over my head. It was bracing, cold, enlivening, electrifying! Inwardly thanking Mohanji for this profound moment I made my way deeper into the water. As Mohanji said, the bottom of the lake feels rubbery as the body of Shesh Nag lies there.
Gazing at Kailash far off in the distance beyond the opposite bank of Manasarovar, the dream had finally been realized after many years of wanting to come here. It felt like this longing to return here has existed within since the time of creation. I gave thanks for being allowed to come into this most sacred and spiritual world. It felt like an alternative universe as I slipped into another dimension and began immersing myself in the water of Manasarovar.
Giving prayers of deep thanks and immense gratitude to Mohanji -Shiva -Kailash, Manasarovar, Nadananda, and the Guru Parampara I dipped into the water. Then for myself, my ancestors, parents, daughter, friends, and family. For everybody that I love and who has played a role in my existence and for our beloved Mother Earth and all who live on her. I had written the names of everyone I could think of and read them out aloud then released the paper into the water and took a dip for all of them.
Each immersion was incredibly invigorating, the water was cool and brisk as I braced to go under and with each coming up felt such elation and vibrant energy as the water poured over me.
Somewhere the moment intensified to an extreme height as I made a continuous direct connection with Kailash and Shiva through all the immersions. Everything shifted, distance disappeared and Kailash appeared, towering right before me and exploded into a shimmering, radiant mountain of light.
A golden white, neon sea of light glittered before me. And in this moment I was right in front of Kailash. In front of this vast, bright light and experiencing a thundering power house of energy in front of me and roaring within me.
Connecting directly with Kailash’s energy, with Shiva, I went into this space. It became a doorway, a portal and I literally took it in both hands in deep recognition of what it was and stepped into it, merging with this space that had opened up in me. This roaring, thundering energy silently poured through me declaring without a doubt to the universe that I was here! It was deafening standing in this lion’s roar declaring that this was my liberation! This was my moksha!
There was a tremendous sense of stepping into this power center, a reclaiming of spiritual identity and the soul: standing in this Divine overwhelmingly intense energy of Mohanji -Shiva -Kailash and being filled with the most complete sense of empowerment and liberation. Setting the intention in this moment to use this energy in conscious awareness for the rest of existence, to walk this path of liberation. To come back here a very different person. In this moment it became a dedication to walk this path at all costs.
Connecting directly with Kailash in Mohanji’s presence, having continuous darshan while standing in the waters of Manasarovar was the most powerfully liberating experience ever and completely beyond imagination. And then somewhere in all of this, something else came from across the bright blue water, like a supersonic boom breaking the sound barrier, an energy hit me!
I heard an explosive cracking sound!
It felt like an almighty sledgehammer hitting the top of my head. I heard and felt the crack as this energy entered my system and broke me open.
Layers and layers and layers cracked open, broke up and were stripped away.
Shards and pieces flew off me. I literally saw stuff exploding and flying off me like glass shattering under the impact of a very high frequency.
Until there was nothing left but emptiness. Just a void of nothingness…. absolute nothingness! No up, no down, left or right, no emotion, no feeling…. just nothingness in the emptiness. The urge to drift into nothingness, to sit enclosed in silence and dissolve quietly…
Kailash has erased everything
Dissolved all the actions, negativity, attachments, pain
Shattered all pretensions, facades, masks, mental constructs
Removed all desires, needs, wants
Broken layers and layers and layers of doer-ship, crusts of ego and mind
Stripped the doer-ship of ego and I, worldly directions, clarity, focus, goals
Shattered mirrors, reflections, voices, delusions
Crushed personalities, pretences and the vast edifices that the mind so loves to build up
To the point that everything is broken…destroyed…gone
The bottom of the world has fallen out and all that is left sits in absolute empty nothingness
Kailash was also a severe reflection of all my short comings. Without any cushioning all the negativity, criticalness, non-acceptance, lack of surrender and humility, not going with the flow, moodiness, despair and ego was uncompromisingly reflected back at me.
At the lowest ebb, it felt like everything was in perpetual break down and collapse. My lack of humility, gratitude and surrender stood out in stark confrontation. Relentlessly I had to come to terms with everything.
Most important on this journey was letting go and moving on. Learning very quickly to assimilate and rise above what ever has come my way. The most profound teaching of Mohanji that I hold onto in these scenarios is to hold onto the rope of faith and never to let go.
No matter how much the mind and ego are rejecting and fighting everything, I hold on knowing that eventually it will pass and I will be pulled out of the whirlpool. This has been a very tough experience to go through! It has been a challenging lesson filled with extreme highs and lows and a life altering experience
To my fellow Kailash Yatris! What I learned from all of you was an incredible gift that I deeply value. Despite adversity and challenges you upheld such an incredible positive mindset and continued to cherish every moment with such reverence. You all are a source of positive inspiration and upliftment and it was an honour to be in Kailash with all of you.
As the days have passed since returning home, more and more awareness comes in to being. I sit in awe and gratitude and love for Mohanji . Without you I would not be here.
Aum Namah Shivaya!
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