New Me After Being Disconnected, Alone & Attacked

By Mohana Priya (Annette/Alixandra van der Zon), USA

Jai Jai Brahmarishi Mohanji Ki Jai

I believe all experience sharing is precious, especially about lessons learned. No matter how tough or embarrassing such experiences may have been, I do believe they should be shared as valuable pointers to those who may encounter similar challenges on the path.

When I came back home to the USA from my last ten-day retreat with Mohanji on Hvar island in Croatia, I was flying. It was great. To be in His presence for so long was truly an honor. I have written about most of this before so, I won’t repeat the experiences here. It will suffice to say that I was honored with many visions, internally and externally. They were beautiful and I was blessed to spend so much time with Him, Devi and other sadhaks there and in Serbia and Bosnia.

Before sharing my experience further, I would like to digress a bit to offer the background story. In the past, my youngest son, Nicolas, had taught me that I was a healer. At a very young age, three and four years old, he would come and take my hands and put them on his wounds and they would heal under my hands.

I was truly amazed the first time it happened. He rolled his eyes like, “Wow my mommy is certainly not the sharpest tool in the shed.” And, he would run back outside to continue to play with his friends next door.

Recently, I had noticed that my ability to heal was less strong and so I wanted to go visit another ‘Spiritual Teacher.’ This Teacher really is a very powerful healer. This Teacher is also more local and easier for me to visit here in the USA. What I didn’t know, and what I soon learned to my great pain, spiritual, mental, emotional and physical, is that he disconnected me from all other Masters and the Guru Mandala itself. He also energized my worst emotions, with the intent of teaching me to ‘dissolve my emotions.’

That year was sheer hell. For the first time in my life I broke a bone. I broke my leg, was stuck in bed, got angry at people during various communications online (I apologize once again for that) – all in all, I was not my usual self and I was in hell. I froze for days when our electricity went out in -14C weather with no help of any sort. In short, I couldn’t believe I was in the Guru Mandala. 

It took me some time until I finally figured out that I was completely and utterly disconnected. When I discussed this with one of his ‘healers,’ they told me, “Right, this Teacher definitely does that. That’s how he works. When he’s the Teacher, no one else is allowed inside you.”

Clear signs of this abnormal disconnection were there. For example, I lit camphor one evening to do aarati to Mohanji and the camphor jumped out of its container (with an inch high diameter circumference protecting the contents) and onto the bedding. Camphor is an inert object. It doesn’t jump. The lit camphor caught the bedding with such fast and furious flame that I was afraid the house would burn down! And, with my broken leg in the frozen snow and being home alone, there wasn’t anything else I could do but to fall on top of the fire. So I did. It was so frightening but I still hadn’t figured it out fully at that point.

When I finally found out, I was scared. Really. I didn’t want to be disconnected. When I told people they said, “That’s ridiculous, you can’t be disconnected.” Now, I happen to know the other Teacher is really not a joke. He can make the blind see and the lame walk with a wave of his hand. So, that he could disconnect me was not a surprise. But the fact that he actually did disconnect me was a huge surprise and a shock for me. I do believe I should have been told and/or asked beforehand.

What I found to be the worst of all was that I lost a lot of sacred inner energies that I had been building up diligently every single day, over the past thirty years with my spiritual practices. And I work hard. I don’t just complacently sit around waiting for things to miraculously happen. I understand that meditation is like running. No one can exercise for you. No one can do your yoga, swim your mile, nor raise your kundalini and calm the ocean of the mind for you (although without a Guru I don’t think the mind’s ocean can be tamed—certainly not mine).

To make things worse, aside from being disconnected, I also got attacked by black magic. I tried to tell people, but no one understood. They all laughed and said, “Of course you’re connected.”  No one listened. It was probably all part of the black magic. I had become mute. I smelled. I could not get rid of the smell. The black magic was like a poison. My house smelled and I felt horrible.

I had to wait over a year before our beloved Brahmarishi Mohanji came to the USA. By that time all my funds had dried up and I barely got there on a whisper and a prayer. I literally had to drag myself there. My health was a wreck, my finances, my life, everything was a disaster. When I finally sat in front of Him, I could smell this horrible smell coming from my body. The smell was really awful. I could also feel that His aura was cleaning the black magic from my body.

Three days in His golden light and my life was back to ‘normal.’  Nothing can compare to the mighty presence of the Master. I was back to life with a real Guru, a real Master. I told myself, “Oh my God, never, ever even think of putting your Soul close to another master.” Now when people invite me to some other exciting program, I just say “maybe,” because I don’t want to be rude. But really, there’s no way I’m going near another master. Ever. I am done with all my experimentation, unless under Brahmarishi’s direct guidance. I would need to hear Him say the words out loud. No intuitions, no mental connections, but words out loud!

Since I was rescued from the darkness, beautiful experiences started happening again. I had a blissful dream of having my baby in a dear friend’s arms, Archanaa Ananda. She loves Mohanji too but she does have another Guru with whom she was with previously. The baby looked very dark with slanted eyes and I was surprised it was my baby. The next day was Janmashtami and I saw a picture of Krishna as a baby and immediately recognized it. I called Archanaa and she said, “Very auspicious dream.” She was happy for me.

Then I saw a former assistant of Mohanji online for whom I was blessed to do an astrology reading and he said this dream is “the beginning of a new creative endeavor.”

I am happy. Any blessing is a good blessing.

Then I saw Shiva in the clouds (a photo which I posted on FB and others saw him too). And some time after that I dreamed I was an elephant and I was telling people that I needed to roam free. I absolutely could not be in a cage. That day it was Ganesh Chaturthi. These holidays and meanings are so foreign to me, unfortunately, that I had to look them up to write this. I couldn’t have dreamed these up if I had wanted to do so.

Soon after that I had a dream of an enormous white snake that was twice the length and breadth of a human with colored spots on it. I happen to know from one of my previous experiences what this means. This is a little flyer my subconscious sends me to tell me that the kundalini will go up . . . stay aware.

Lately I have been inspired to paint Goddesses and sing much more than usual – although I do tend to sing a lot. I’m trying to stay open to guidance, be completely surrendered, and stay in devotion.  I am continuing the practices which my beloved Guru, Brahmarishi Mohanji, has blessed me with, Consciousness Kriya and Healing.

Going with the flow…


I am humbled to see how fast and how far one can fall without a clue as to what happened. And really, all I had wanted was to be of service to others.
It has been some time since our short retreat in the USA and I feel connected again, looking forward to my service as guided by the Guru Mandala.

May I be graced with ever greater devotion, and remain in complete surrender.

Much Love,

Mohana Priya (Annette/Alixandra van der Zon – which means ‘from the Sun’)


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