You’re going to Kailash

By a Mohanji follower

May 2023: “You’re going to Kailash”

I chose to share my little ‘Pre-Kailash story’ to give other young people hope and to share my Kailash transformation. I leave every word at the feet of Mohanji and Lord Shiva. 

I was in floods of tears on my way to work, feeling shattered and broken inside. I cried out to Mohanji, “Mohanji, I don’t have the will to go on living like this. I know I am unworthy of you, but I still have faith in you, Mohanji! I still have faith!” 

These were the words I cried at my wheel while I drove home from work when I had a clear vision of Mount Kailash. This dramatic American teen film moment was the start of my Kailash journey. For six months, I had wept with my hands on the wheel driving to and from work, with no sign of stopping. Due to deeply imprinted patterns of non-acceptance and lack of self-forgiveness, I had fallen into the trap of self-hatred. 

I withdrew from seeing my friends for those six months, and I would lie in bed at the weekends, hoping to just disappear. Unable to stand up for myself at work, my self-worth had hit a low. A few family fallouts and betrayals had pushed me to my limit, and I couldn’t drop the past easily. Due to my own lack of self-acceptance, I was attracting more calamities in my personal and professional life. 

I had no will left to do the things that I used to love, like going for a walk, painting, or feeding the birds. Underneath my usual joyful and happy-go-lucky self, I had forgotten that life is to be enjoyed. I had become disconnected from everything I loved, including myself. 

The company I worked at was undergoing a takeover, and the workplace had become a challenging environment. Daily jealousy attacks had become the norm, and my self-esteem was so low that I didn’t care about protecting myself anymore or invoking Mohanji to protect me. I had reached the point where I felt totally unworthy of listening to Mohanji’s Shiva Kavacham. 

I just accepted the workplace bullying that I was experiencing as a good punishment for what I deserved. Alongside my inner battles, I was being stalked at work by one client. I tried to brush it aside, and I pretended that it wasn’t affecting me, but I was slowly going stark crazy. 

Too afraid to appear like a failure to the outside world and to the Mohanji family, I kept my mouth shut and suppressed my negative emotions. As I mentioned, my personal life was also a little rocky. Long-term friends and colleagues were turning against me for what seemed like trivial reasons. Having perfected how to mask my emotions, I managed to successfully fool my loved ones. By that point, I had lost the will to keep going, and I didn’t have any fighting spirit left in me. I hadn’t lost my faith yet, but I had lost my will.

Up until this point, I did not have the courage to mentally ask Mohanji for help. I was holding on to the illusion of being a failure, that I couldn’t maintain my job, and that I had let everybody down. Now that I look back, I can see that it was the hand of Lord Shiva clearing the way to make room for something more beautiful. I thought my life was crumbling apart, but it was slowly being put back together. 

Then came that day in May when I drove back from work. “I still have faith in you, Mohanji! I still have faith!” I screamed, still clutching the wheel. Suddenly, my eyes glazed over, and I had a clear vision of Mount Kailash glowing in the golden sun. Silently, I heard the words: “You’re going to Kailash”. All I can remember is weeping in gratitude. A doubt quickly popped up in my mind. “How can that be?” I didn’t have any more holidays left over to take time off work to attend the Kailash pilgrimage. Besides, I wasn’t really thinking about another adventure because I was preparing for Mohanji’s arrival to the UK in June, and I was just so excited to soon be in His presence once again. 

June 2023: Mohanji inaugurates the Shirdi Sai Baba Temple at Skanda Vale Ashram and the Mohanji Centre of Benevolence in Scotland.

Having been informed about Mohanji’s UK schedule in advance, I was able to book 10 days of holiday from work to attend both Shirdi Sai Baba Temple consecrations taking place in the UK. The first consecration took place at Skanda Vale Ashram in Wales, and the second at the Mohanji Centre of Benevolence in Scotland. A few days before the inauguration, I prayed to Mohanji. “Mohanji, I used to be able to hear your voice clearly; why did you stop talking to me?” 

During my last day at work before the consecration, I believe Mohanji spoke to me loudly and clearly. As I wrapped my scarf around my neck and picked up my bags to leave work, I heard the words ‘This is your last day at work”. It was the same soft, gentle, loving voice I had heard somewhere before. That’s a little weird, I thought. I was slightly fearful that the voice might have been a negative being. I brushed the thought aside and didn’t give the experience any more attention.

Meanwhile, I loved my 10 days of holiday spent in the consciousness of Mohanji with our incredible Mohanji family. The consecration at Skanda Vale Ashram was a celebration for all the senses. Sai Baba really came with a bang! However, something strange started happening at Skanda Vale. That silent voice that I heard earlier became a whisper, and the whisper became louder and louder each day. 

The words that struck my mind were ‘Hand your notice in now’. Every time I sat in the ceremony rituals, these words would hit me hundreds of times. Each time I looked at Sai Baba’s form, I could hear the command, ‘It’s time to leave your job. It’s time to leave your job now.’ By the third or fourth day, I was hearing the command all day to the point where I wondered whether other people could hear it, too!

On the final day of the consecration at Skanda Vale, I prayed to the Divine Mother at the Kali Ma temple. “Okay, Divine Mother, if I am going to quit my job, will you provide me with an alternative?” During my darshan, I received confirmation that there were other meaningful ways that I could use my time if I quit. However, I was stubborn. I cared too much about what other people thought, and the idea of being without work brought up intense fear because the job had become a comfort zone. 

The final day of the consecration at Skanda Vale was approaching. A few moments before we boarded the bus to leave Skanda Vale ashram, I googled ‘How to write a letter of resignation with immediate effect’, and I copied and pasted the resignation letter to my employer. I informed my employer that I had a new job offer and that I would prefer to accept the new job whilst already on holiday. Thankfully, leaving my job was the best thing my soul could have wished for. I remembered how to smile again, and a natural colour slowly returned to my cheeks. I enjoyed being around the Mohanji family and the abundance of unconditional love I received.

July 2023: the confirmation 

The consecration ceremony was powerful for me, and I went through intense inner cleansing afterwards. One evening, I was having intense chest pains and feeling out of my body. I found myself feeling unwell and unable to lift my head from the dinner table, so someone in the Mohanji family suggested that I reach out for a distance Mai-Tri healing session.

After the Mai-Tri healing session, I received a voice message from my Mai-Tri practitioner, which made my mouth drop. “It was good that you listened to your intuition to leave your job. Mohanji and Sai Baba saved you from a major catastrophe. In fact, they changed the course of your life 180 degrees. You would likely not have come back up from what could have happened. Don’t feel guilty about leaving your job. Your energy is so high that a lot gets attracted to you, but Mohanji takes care. No worries.”

This was all the confirmation I needed that I was on the right path and that I could trust my instincts. I knew why I had to leave my job. I didn’t have any more holiday left to take time off work, and I was being prepared for another journey of a lifetime: Mount Kailash. And there it was, all lined up perfectly. With very little time to think, I started packing my bags ready for the Kailash Yatra. With the help of some friends who worked for British Airways, I was able to purchase good plane tickets to Kathmandu.

Kailash with Mohanji: a bubble of love

The moment I stepped into the hotel in Kathmandu, I walked into bliss. Mohanji had wrapped us all in a bubble of love and grace. Those five days with Mohanji in Nepal were simply soaked in love. All twenty-seven of us shared a natural group bond unlike anything I have ever experienced before, and I believe the others have said the same. Everyone in the group was of a similar calm disposition, bonded through our love for Mohanji and Shiva’s Consciousness. 

Our days were spent laughing, sharing, bonding, and enjoying casual satsang with Mohanji around the table. Such is Mohanji that he fulfils even our tiniest of wishes. Mohanji even made sure that He was the first person I saw when I landed in Kathmandu.

Being around the Mohanji family quickly shattered some of the illusions I had been holding onto. Our Kailash group were kind to me, and they made me feel loved and respected. We laughed for hours over the silliest of things, and we bonded over this unique shared experience. I was no longer thinking that I was a terribly unlovable person, and I started believing that I was worthy of being on the Yatra with all these beautiful souls. 

I experienced a glimpse of being me – beyond my positions, possessions, and relations. Not one person on the trip asked me what I did for a job, where I lived, or whether I was married or unmarried. None of these things mattered. We were bonded for a greater purpose: fulfilling our Kailash journey together. I am so grateful that Mohanji gave me the experience of being me and relaxing within myself. Being around other like-minded souls made me realise that I connect well with all types of people and that I have something to offer others.

On the Yatra, I had to face some of my hidden fears. Somehow, our fears become amplified during the Kailash journey without our usual home comforts or anything concrete to hold onto. I met with my first wild leech experience. I vomited throughout the 12-hour journey to the China border, and I had to confront interactions which pushed me outside my comfort zone. 

Thankfully, my pony and sherpa carried me all the way to the top of Dolma La Pass and carried me all the way to the bottom, and I was able to complete the three-day pilgrimage with ease and joy. The whole time, Mohanji was there with his hand over my head, reassuring me that everything would be okay. 

 I was able to take blessings at Lake Mansarovar for my mother’s brother before he passed away a few days later. My uncle had been in a coma for over a week following a massive heart attack, and I felt that being on the Kailash Yatra during his final days was no coincidence. As I prayed for my uncle, I felt that his soul was light as a feather and that Mohanji had worked on him intensely during his final moments.

One evening, a 20-litre water thermos slipped and smashed in front of me, covering my face, hair, and clothes with flecks of broken glass. Trying to remain calm, I took a shower, and my fellow group members helped me to pick the shards of glass from my hair. Miraculously, I didn’t suffer a single scratch or even a graze, and my eyes were protected. Mohanji, being Mohanji, of course, took a big karma away from me. The glass washed off easily, and I was able to enjoy one of the best sleeps I had on the trip! 

All in all, my Kailash trip has been the start of my healing journey to loving and accepting myself more. I laugh and smile more, and I’m able to feel grateful for the things in my life. I am more aware of myself as a good and kind person rather than identifying with my fleeting emotions. I feel more connected to that thing called ‘the energy running the show’. 

I am able to sit down and complete my sadhana all the way through, something which I haven’t been able to do for many years. I can only say thank you to Mohanji from the very bottom of my heart for allowing me to experience this Yatra fully, surrounded by love, kindness, and connection.

Thank you, Lord Shiva. Thank you to each and every member of our group. Your kindness, acceptance and love transformed me. Thank you to Madhu for still allowing us to venture to Kailash. Thank you to Mohanji, my eternal Father, in this lifetime and every other lifetime.

Om Namah Shivaya!

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Edited & Published by – Testimonials Team, 16th November 2023


The views, opinions, and positions expressed by the authors and those providing comments on these blogs are theirs alone and do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions or positions of Mohanji, Mohanji Foundation, it’s members, employees or any other individual or entity associated with Mohanji or Mohanji Foundation. We make no representations as to accuracy, completeness, timeliness, suitability or validity of any information presented by individual authors and/or commenters on our blogs and will not be liable for any errors, omissions, or delays in this information or any losses, injuries or damages arising from its display or use.

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